I've met those obligations. Those obligations required a whole lot of struggle and doing whatever was necessary with no regard to my physical or mental well-being. If at any time I tried to take pause and do something for myself, I was considered loathsome and..favorite zeitgeist buzzword, toxic. Only when I returned to giving all of myself to others was there any tolerance of my existence.

Now in my fifties, I'm tired. I don't mean I'm I need a nap tired. I mean it at an existential level.

I refuse to spend my remaining years in doctors offices as they systemically extract every remaining dollar I've got while telling me I'm a terrible person for not living a perfectly physical life. I'll choose the early exit and a nice clean estate to leave to my daughter.

When my time comes, I will go quietly into that cold dark void, and I will do so enthusiastically. I see no value in prolonging the inevitable merely for the benefit of others. Let me have this one small thing

[–] Zacryon@feddit.de 2 points 2 years ago

Seems like you are in a tight spot. It must be immensely hard for you to feel the burden of "having to give" while it seems that nobody really cares about your well-being and gives back. I'm really sorry for you. It's obvious that you're far from happy about that. That's only natural. I bet most people would feel the same if they were in your spot. And yet, it really sucks that no one around you seems to see.
I can understand that you got exhausted by all of this and don't want to continue living like that any longer than you need to.

I hope I don't cross any line, whith the following. My apologies if that happens. Please feel free to ignore this completely if you'd rather not talk more about this.

Would you like to change your situation if it were possible somehow?

You said that you were misunderstood as "loathsome" and "toxic" when you tried to care for yourself. If it's okay for you to tell us more about your situation: How did that happen?

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