Jokes and Humor

[alt text: a screenshot from an app for an airline service, which appears to be showing part of an airliner seating chart. There is a pop-up that says, "Ready to eject Lynda? This action cannot be undone. Flight attendants will eject Lynda from the plane mid-flight. Don't worry, your arrival time will not be impacted." The pop-up has a large blue button that says, "Eject Lynda - $2,703.50". Fine print text below the button says, "Lynda will be able to counter your ejection bid. View Terms"

Alt text: cartoon frame #1 shows disembodied arm reaching out to pluck a speaker's speech bubble.

Frame #2 shows speaker looking puzzled wondering where his speech bubble has gone.

Frame #3 the arm reappears having reshaped it into a regular inflatable balloon and offers it back to the speaker.

(from https://xkcd.com/2956)

[alt text: text that says, "Goals 😍❤". Below the text is four photos of football (soccer) goal nets.]

[alt text: a series of posts on tumblr. The first post is a text post by a user called "stephaniexwins", which says, "I made stew. It was awesome. I love potatoes." The next post is a reply post by a user called "potato", which says "i luv u too". The final post is another reply post by potato, which says, "wait what was in the stew".]

[alt text: text that says: "Me looking for the will to clean the house." Below the text is a frame from Stranger Things, showing the character Jonathan Byers putting his hands to his mouth and shouting, "Will?"]

[alt text : two frames from Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, depicting a negotiation between the characters Kweye-Gon Jinn and Watt-o. In the top frame, Kweye-Gon is labeled "Management" and he is saying, "Pizza Party will do fine." In the bottom frame, Watt-o is labeled "Over Worked Staff" and he is replying, "Jedi Mind Tricks don't work on me, only money."]

As the guy behind this video support a charity, I post the original link and not an Invidious link.

🎤🐩🐱😀🎶 In Springfield, they´re eating the dogs, they´re eating the cats, they eating the pets of the people that live there 🎹🎺🎻🥁🎷🎶

[alt text: text that says, "Imagine getting sloppy and she looks up at you wearing these bad boys". Below the text is a photo of a pair of holographic prop glasses, which make the wearer look like their eyeballs are cartoonishly bulging out of their sockets.]

[alt text: two side-by-side illustrations of a text conversation on a smartphone. The left illustration is labeled "MONOGAMY", and the phone shows a text conversation with a single text that says, "Morning Beautiful". The right illustration is labeled "QING DYNASTY", and the phone shows a text conversation with six texts in a row. From top to bottom, the texts read: "i think wife 9 is poisoning you"; "think wife 2 is poisoning you"; "i think the eunuchs are poisoning you"; "i think wife 14 is poisoning you"; "i think the kids are poisoning you"; "think the chief censor is poisoning you". On the bottom corner of the image, there is a small instagram tag for @els_comics.]

[alt text: an image of the "3D Saul Goodman" meme, which shows the face of the character Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad staring directly into the camera with a stoic expression. There is text overlaid that says, "Me watching my wife try and leave me due to my gasoline drinking addiction. But the car won't start (hmm I wonder why)".]

[alt text: text that says, "when your child inherits your character, and now you have a mini toxic version of yourself." Below the text is a photo of an adult cat and a kitten laying side-by-side. Both cats have the same fur coloring and both are making the same face, which looks somewhat like a human laughing expression but could also be a cat's hissing expression.]

[alt text: a screenshot of a post from @pacific0101 on twitter, posted in 2018. The tweet text says, "they shut down the pizza hut part so now it's just a anarcho-kentucky-fried-chicken-taco-bell". Below the tweet is a photo of the restaurant sign, which was previously a flag-shaped sign with all three restaraunt logos side-by-side. It appears that the Pizza Hut logo was previously on the left side, but it has been removed. In its place is a blank red space, which is reminiscent of the original anarchism flag.]

[alt text: a photo of a semi trailer on a highway immediately after an accident. The trailer is flipped vertical, and leaning against a highway exit ramp sign. There are other cars on the road driving around the accident.]

[alt text: Text that says, "Vampires when they sip on your blood and catch extra strength Tylenol, at least two psychiatric meds, two cups of coffee, weed, and microplastics". Below the text is a photo of Idris Elba, who looks bewildered and is saying, "What the fuck?"]

Hey folks! I am at the hospital with my wife waiting for our child to be born and my wife would like memes. Lots of memes. Stupid ones, funny ones, all manner of memes to distract her and produce happy hormones in her brain. Puns and dad jokes are also very welcome

ETA: seriously, thank you everyone! She's gotten some really hearty chuckles out of this and it's definitely helped keep her mood afloat.

ETA2: y'all are the best, li'l Juniper Mayhem joined us after 24 hours of labor and our sanity would have been in tatters if it weren't for all of you

[alt text: a post by @Thinkwert on Twitter. The post is sharing a photo of an opossum laying on an uneaten pizza, which is inside of an open pizza box. The text in the tweet says, "I call it Himalayan Pizza cuz him a-layin' on my pizza".]

[alt text: text that says: "When you jump off a building, but realize you were never bitten by a radioactive spider." Below the text is an image of a man falling off a building. In the image, there is stylized text that appears to be taken from the logo for "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse", but every word has been edited out except the word, "MAN".]

[alt text: a screenshot of a tweet quoting another tweet. The original tweet, by @notgwendalupe on twitter, says, "12 years ago, zac efron dropped a condom out of his pocket at the premiere of 'the lorax'." The tweet includes a photo from the incident. The quote-reply tweet, from @biscuittts on twitter, says, "he was going to f*ck the Lorax".]