this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2024
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My girlfriend had a lot of untreated mental/personality conditions when I met her that I was unaware of. Over the first year, she couldn't keep it together anymore and was doing drugs more, missing tons of payments on things, missing work, fighting with friends and coworkers, and just started being rude to people for no reason.
She was still really nice to me, but she just wasn't behaving like the person I met anymore. I started considering breaking up with her, but by that point she was starting to get in trouble with the police. I kicked her out and sent her back to her family and she ended up checking into a mental facility.
I visited her pretty frequently while she was there. I told her she should have been more forthcoming because I couldn't help her if I didn't know what was going on. I told her I was ready to dump her because I thought she was becoming an asshole, but now that I knew she was just sick, we'd get her taken care of.
She went through a couple years of finding the right medications that she could stick with and did a lot of therapy, group meetings, and DBT classes.
During Covid she registered to go to community college and give that another try. It was a bit difficult getting back in after failing out before, but she got in and worked really hard. She was the favorite of a lot of the teachers, and she almost got all As through the 2 years.
She graduated this year and had a job offer where she was interning waiting for her, and now she has a job she loves, and makes decent money.
We repaired her credit over the years, and it's getting back to near excellent. We got her a new car when she had to commute to intern and do in person class and she's kept it in good shape and quit smashing into things. She has great relationships with people now. She's really done a total and successful rebuild after hitting rock bottom, and she's still a friendly, caring person who is fun to be around.
I was extremely proud to see her graduate. I feel that was a major milestone from where she started. I don't think I could have gotten myself out of what she was in. She had to work tremendously hard, but she was dedicated and determined for the years it took to accomplish, and she's never skipped backwards. I could not be much prouder of her.
Iβm not saying itβs always the right idea to stay with someone in this sort of situation. But the fact that you did was probably a major reason she could be successful. She knew she had support and that is so, so important.
That is the good kind of conditional love; condition is "love yourself and work towards a better tomorrow"