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Do lesbians have a concept of Top and Bottom? (lemmy.world)

submitted 3 weeks ago by stoicmaverick@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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It's been a long ol time since I've known any lesbians well enough to ask such things, but I followed my brain down a weird line of inquiry, and got to wondering about the current state of the art for the gay gals. I guess I had always assumed it was similar to the dynamics of a gay guy relationship, but then I realized that since men have both an input and an output, they can choose, but it's mechanically a bit different for cis women. Is there any relationship between that, and the slightly more masculine versus feminine flavors? Asking for a friend, who is me. I want to know. Thanks.

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[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 40 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

Kinda? It kinda permeated in through gay men, trans lesbians, and the kink community and developed a meaning of active partner with a dominant implication. So for example if I go down on my girlfriend before she returns the favor, it probably wouldn’t be called topping. But if I’m three fingers into a pillow princess as she calls me “Miss” you bet your ass that was topping. So it’s definitely more vibes based as versatility is assumed unless otherwise specified (and not being versatile is kinda rare)

It also can refer to who’s wearing the strap at the moment.

[–] stoicmaverick@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago (9 children)

Cool. God I love the nomenclature so much. I think I'm just jealous, because we don't really have any fun terminology over here in Straight Vanilla Land. Explain Pillow Princess immediately.

Also, while I have you: can you put into words the appeal of a strap-on in a lesbian relationship/encounter? I'm all for it, but It just seems like more work to achieve what you could using your hands, and neither party is usually into dicks anyway. Is it a Dom thing? Better cardio workout?

[–] macgyver@federation.red 10 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Straight Pillow Princesses exist lol

[–] Xyre@lemmus.org 8 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I've always heard them referred to as starfish

[–] ChexMax@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I think the difference is that starfish just lie there, spread out, not really participating, and a pillow princess participates with words and moans, and their hands are roaming, and they're I think usually good receivers they just don't get on top and take a turn at the work part. They do motivate their partner to continue pleasing them though.

[–] stoicmaverick@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Sounds like everyone I know at work.

[–] macgyver@federation.red 5 points 2 weeks ago

That’s fair, but I learned the term from a bi girl so makes sense

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