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Women of Lemmy, how to pleasure someone that does not enjoy any clitoris stimulation? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by MTK@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Well, as the title says, I'm facing an issue that I'm not sure how to improve.

My partner does not enjoy any sort of clitoris stimulation, I tried everything from rough to gentle, from fingers to tongue, with lube and without. It seems that she truly does not enjoy it in anyway.

She does enjoy penetration very much and I put all of my efforts there, but I feel like I can't get her to an orgasm/higher pleasure and while she is satisfied right now I fear that over time she wont be.

So my question is what else can I do? There are some other pleasure areas that we use such as ears, emotional connection, fantasies, dirty talk, etc.

Maybe something I haven't tried on the clitoris? Maybe something else that can take it to the next level? Maybe something that she can do? Maybe just accept that this is okay? Again, she does enjoy herself a lot and is completely satisfied as far as I know, but as I'm her first I think that she is missing out on a level of pleasure that I can't figure how to help her achieve without the clitoris.

ETA: she does not masturbate, so no guidance or hidden methods on her part.

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[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

What does she do when she is doing herself? And is she getting orgasm that way, and is she getting it with you in any way?

If she can do direct clitoral stimulation for herself, it's possible you are just too rough, a lot of guys are. But also possible that she's just wired so that direct contact is unpleasant.

It's hard to recommend without more information but I would suggest a tight angle face to face, that she might be able to sort of grind on you while fucking, to get some vulva stimulation and the inside feeling, that might push her over. Also maybe try playing with her boobs while she's on top.

Mostly I think you are on the right track with the mental angle - engaging the mind, find out what she thinks about and use that, give up your ideas about every woman being wired the same.

And Do Not Push her. Really listen to what she wants.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Thanks, she does not masturbate, so no knowledge source there.

I'll try that position you suggested, sounds very intimate as well.

And I am kind of at a last ditch effort here, I of course accept her as she is, I just want to see if there is something I can do to help her orgasm before I give up on the prospect for now. She is very satisfied with our sex life (so as I) but I really think she might be missing out since she never had an orgasm and so she can't really know what she is missing out on.

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Hmm, yes if she does not masturbate I honestly think she might just not be that much into the physical pleasure, you may have to just take what you can get - even though you would be frustrated, she may not be. It's hard for me to imagine, too! But if she enjoys the closeness and seeing you get off, your expectations may be getting in the way.

Even if she gets frustrated, she will probably have to figure out herself what works. It's really good she is not faking, don't push her to the point she feels like that's the answer.

ETA: tight angle with her legs up if she is flexible, or kind of sideways so one of your legs is against her vulva (look up coital alignment technique) those positions with some amount of outside contact like that are very intense dual stimulation, and if you are yourself angled upward the tight angle with legs up will also hit those front areas inside where the nerves from the clitoris run upward.

[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 3 points 2 weeks ago

my partner just want cuddles.

I like eating peaches!

We are not the same.

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