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‘An uphill battle’: why are midlife men struggling to make – and keep – friends?
(www.theguardian.com)
this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2025
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Do "normal" people really have 10 or more close friends? I've never had that many close friends my entire life.
Our friend group sits at around 17. It ebbs and flows with girl/boyfriends coming and going (though mostly all married now). I hate to say it, but the key is low standards. We don't all agree on anything. We don't all have the same hobbies or even sense of humor. But we don't kick each other out over stupid fights, and everyone is always welcome at everything. If you cut people out when they don't agree with you, or when they screw up, your friendships disappear. You just have to treat it like family.
"i can have a bbq with you" is not what i would call "close friends". A close friend is someone i can bitch to about my personal problems and trust him not to pass any of it on. A close friend is someone on whose couch i could crash in an emergency with little to no questions asked.
From your description i would have thought more of the first category, but maybe i am wrong and you all stick it out for each other like that. In this case props to you all and i hope it lasts.
I think I could show up at their doors and ask to stay the night in an emergency. They would clothe and feed me and let me cry on their couch. They absolutely will tell the other friends it happened though. My oldest friendship in the group is over 25 years at this point, and the other friendships have all trickled in, the youngest is maybe 6 years, and I only warmed up on one of the guys like 2 months ago.
Our politics aren't the same. Our religions aren't the same. Our morals don't align. One of them I hate. Some of them are kinda sexist. That's all I mean by low standards. That you can't kick your friends outta bed because you want to stick to your morals above having friends.