There are a couple vegan specific instances that you could try searching for, I can't point them out for you right now. But in my experience at least, they seem to be pretty reasonable.
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Oh yeah good point! I’ve run into them too but can’t remember their names.
Vegantheoryclub.org is one, and while technically not Vegan focused, Hexbear.net is explicitly pro-Veganism.
I have a deep desire to resurrect the vegan struggle session every time I see people tone policing us on this website, but we live in 1984 and I know the mods would remove it smh-ing my head
I don’t need a struggle session for how I ethically eat. If you think not wanting people to be rude is tone policing then you’re probably not nice.
What?
It means griller. Someone who doesn't have a strong opinion either way on a topic, or who seeks an impossible middle-way solution that pleases all sides.
In this context, OP wants a community that is both vegan and sufficiently accepting of non-vegans, which might be tough to find.
This is how the average hexbear user responds. Don't think too deeply about it, because they sure aren't.
The vegan community on lemmy.ml is technically larger, but I don't know if it's any less "militant and rude." (I put that in quotes because I have no personal experience with that community)
I'd be interested in seeing an example or two if you have the time