this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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Ok, I have no idea why this bothers me and I don’t even know what to call it. My husband is a “come here” guy. Something he thinks is interesting and wants to show me - hey, come here! Nuclear apocalypse - hey, come here! Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can reveal the surprise like some sort of performative art ? I never know if it’s going to be legitimate, a disaster, or something stupid. The walk to wherever he is is insanely stressful because the whole time I’m running through all possible horrible scenarios (we’ve had a lot of issues at the house lately so I never know if I’m going to find water in the basement or raccoons in the attic or a hole in my foundation, or just him looking at a funny cat video). I’d rather he say “hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this.” Instead I have to have the whole performance and reveal and I fucking hate it. Anyone else know what I’m talking about or am I just mental ?

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[–] Camzing@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

No! You go over there!

[–] Spiffypoop@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

My wife does this, and I understand where you're coming from. Especially if I'm in the middle of something. Although, at least for me, it's usually a nice thing she wants to show me, I'd rather know what she wants me for before I make my way over to her. If I ever need her presence I go to her and tell her what I need her for, but she always tells for me in another room. I think that's what bothers me about it. I'd like her to do for me what I do for her.

[–] Jackiedoodle@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

This is an annoying trait that my moms husband has. It's ok to let it annoy you. It shouldn't be fucking with your day. If he says come here just say I'm doing or in x(watching the TV, in the kitchen, eating lunch, cleaning) it doesn't need to be super important but it'll just communicate you're doing something she he can bring the news to you. It should not stress you out though. Just change the dynamic a bit.

[–] BilboBargains@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (4 children)

I've heard other people complain about this behaviour. The problem is that your husband is extorting a reaction from you. You are obliged to generate the reaction, out of politeness and respect for his feelings. There is a cost attached to this performance that you are bearing but not really much of a reward. I know because I'm doing it to my wife and she hates it. My daughter is doing it to me and I hate it. I should stop but torturing her like this is fulfilling some dark corner of my mind.

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[–] amio@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Saraphim@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Oh yes. But he has zero impulse control (because he practices none) so the second he thinks about something he wants to show me he does it again

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[–] Norgur@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago

My wife does that, too. I mean, yes, sometimes we just want to show something and sometimes it's only cool with a tad of surprise (a cat that has hidden in a funny spot or something), but she has me running around for absolutely nothing very often.

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