latenightnoir

I'm exhausted. At this point, the best I can do is stay out of the way.

I'm ad-libbing my ass off at this point, there is no script. There is just myself and the knowledge that I have no place in the world as it is now, nor do I want a place in this circus of hatred and fear.

Thank you for your reply, and, to tell you the truth, that's exactly what landed me here.

I've genuinely been working on myself for over a decade now. I've explored the darkest depths of my mind, scaled the peaks of any hint of ambition I could find in me, and I have the answer to the question of "who am I." I know it's hard to believe, but I really am there. I know my values, I know my principles, I know what I want and what I don't want. For some reason, nobody seems to want to accept this about me, but it is what it is. I just stopped responding when faced with it. Whatever, not the point.

The point is exactly as I've said, I've become so concrete in my own perception of myself, so clearly defined as Me to myself, that I've come to understand that I have nothing to want from the world as I've come to know it, as it has presented itself to me thus far. I am filled with hate as a response to the hate permeating the world nowadays - I hate the hate, and the bigger the hate, the stronger my hate toward it. I am filled with anger because it is a response to the profound, the abhorrent injustice which has (yet fucking again!) reached critical mass across this whole rock.

And, yes, I don't have any hope for things anymore. I don't see us changing course any time soon (or, at least, not in however many years I have left) enough for me to want to dig my roots into things. It feels like every other time when I've tried to have unjustifiable amounts of patience with people who only wanted to spread their shit around, hoping that one day maybe they'll see that I love them and that there is no need to stab me preemptively, or to try to control me, or simply to take their frustrations out on me.

I don't want to be Sisyphus and just smile at the pointlessness. Hell, that's a dumb comparison in my opinion, as Sisyphus's rock deal absolutely had a point: it was punishment from the gods, the point in it was to make Sisyphus suffer. And I'm sick and tired of suffering at the hands of this bullshit... I'm sick and tired of seeing everyone else suffer, too. I can feel the pain of the world and it makes me angry. And I'm tired. And I'm done.

Did and done with it. I worked so much on myself only to have reached a point where I no longer fit in.

Edit: and, honestly, I don't think I want to anymore. What's the point of fixing up the place when everyone'll just drag their mud all over it once the doors are open, y'know?

Edit 2: to add, I'm just repeating myself at this point. Meditation works because there's no concrete thought to be had at this point, it's just angry screaming. Journaling feels like copy/pasting yesterday's entry, over and over and over again. And my trains of thought have all reached the depot.

There's always that one person who just wants to ruin it for everyone else. Reminds me of some people I knew back in high-school, that kind of person who, when the entire class convenes to skip classes together, insists on staying behind to lick some teacher boots.

We can lick the paint!

We're just ants on someone else's Monopoly board...

Well, to be fair, the whole thing has become a sick joke, although nobody's laughing anymore...

The freest speech of all!

If this joke emitted radiation, it would be measured in kiloDads per second.

And that's an obtuse and edgy fallacy. You do realise this wasn't about the people "voting wrong," but about the candidates themselves being demonstrated to have functioned based on false pretenses and hidden agendas while having Putin's hand up their arses, right? Convincing people to vote based on lies and mass manipulation is about as far from anything to have ever been considered even marginally democratic. The result itself, thus, is undemocratic.

What you're proposing is that Democracy should be as a herd of sheep throwing themselves off a cliff because, hey! The first one did it!

Cheap bait, m8. Like, really cheap, those worms are flaky...

That's a fallacy, Democracy doesn't mean "let any elected moron lead," it means "leaders should encourage and further the democratic process," to represent the best interests of the people. A Manchurian candidate is pretty much the antithesis of Democracy.

I'm not gonna say anything about Le Pen because I do my best to detach from shitheads beyond checking their legal status, but as a Romanian, I can say that Georgescu's removal was a win for that very Democracy you're talking about.