this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2024
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How do you date? (beehaw.org)
submitted 7 months ago by Gaywallet@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org
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Recently had a conversation with a good friend about dating, and it had me curious about how everyone on Beehaw approaches dating. Tell me a bit about how you date! Here's a few prompts/thoughts I'm curious about:

  • How long does it take for you to know if you're attracted to someone (sexually, romantically, emotionally, shared interests, etc)?
  • What do you like to do when you date and does it change depending on how many dates you've been on or how well you know the person?
  • Once you start dating someone, how long does it take you to understand whether you want to date the person long term or whether it's not going to work out?
  • Do you only date people you meet in real life or do you use dating apps? How do you approach going from stranger to dating them?
  • What's most important in deciding whether you want to date someone? Do they need to have an interest in activities you enjoy, shared values, emotional intelligence, a certain kind of humor, or something else?
  • Is there something you don't understand about dating and want to share your frustration?
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[–] TheRtRevKaiser@beehaw.org 11 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I wasn't going to comment on this because I've been in a monogamous relationship for 15 years at this point, but one thing I noticed in the comments is really interesting to me.

Pretty much everybody is saying they know they're attracted to someone physically/sexually right away, and that was not my experience when I was dating regularly. Maybe I'm odd, but I always found that most of the time I would get to know a person first and then I would start to notice things about them that I found attractive and kind of mold my way of thinking and looking at them around those things that I was attracted to in them. Sure, there were exceptions, there are people out there where I was just like - damn everything about that person is hot (my wife being one of those) - but I dated women with a wide variety of physical features and really the only commonality was that I liked being around them. The physical stuff was secondary (although still important) for me.

[–] JCPhoenix@beehaw.org 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Maybe you're a Demisexual. For me, I can experience initial sexual attraction to people, but I never act on it. But my actual relationships have been similar to you: I knew them first as acquaintances/friends, we'd hang out, then I'd develop an attraction. My longest relationship was that way. We were simply friends for some months. Well, she liked me as I found out later, but I didn't pick up on it (typical guy). Wasn't until one evening we were hanging out a restaurant just chitchatting, enjoying each other's company, that I also noticed how attractive she was and started letting my mind wander to the possibilities. And I had a GF at the time! And that relationship developed a similar way, too.

[–] TheRtRevKaiser@beehaw.org 3 points 7 months ago

Maybe? But it doesn't quite feel right. Not sure how to explain it, though. It's more that my ability to be attracted to someone is pretty malleable if I like them?