this post was submitted on 11 May 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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I have friends who are Afghan who have had arranged marriages so this led me to be curious to ask, why does this practice still persist into the 21st century?

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[–] MrsDoyle@lemmy.world 30 points 6 months ago (4 children)

I know a young man who headed back to India for an arranged marriage. I expressed my extreme surprise that he would agree to marry someone he'd never met, and he said he trusted his parents to choose someone compatible. "After all, they know me better than anyone else." I remain baffled, honestly. He seems an otherwise savvy, modern person. But there you go, happy to commit to a stranger.

I dread to think what kind of bloke my parents would have picked for me...

[–] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 24 points 6 months ago (1 children)

For starters my parents would not have picked my preferred gender to mate with...

[–] Devi@kbin.social 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

You don't commit to a stranger really. Normally you've met them and spoke multiple times and the families have spoken throughout both kids lives. I had a friend when I was young who knew her intended spouse from 7 years old and there was no plan to marry until she was finished with uni. She used to carry a picture of him in her wallet like we all had boyband members.

Even once you get to the marriage bit there's chances to say no then.

[–] Kiosade@lemmy.ca 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

That’s an interesting concept: holding a pic of someone (presumably it gets updated every few years?) for like 15 years, imagining all these possibilities the whole time, and then finally meeting them and realizing, “nope not for me”.

[–] Devi@kbin.social 1 points 6 months ago

I've tried to find out if they ever did marry but I can't find her online. I like to think she did though and it went well because she did really like the picture.

[–] istanbullu@lemmy.ml 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

People make all sorts of wrong mistakes when they are high on hormones. Your parents will likely make a much more rational and efficient choice.

[–] skulblaka@startrek.website 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I saw the non marriage related choices they made when I was a kid. Like hell I'm letting them choose my life partner. You're assuming all parents are rational and efficient, when many, even most of them are not. They are also just people, as prone to mistakes and bad choices as you or I. If I'm getting handcuffed to a bad decision I'd like if it was at least my own bad decision.

[–] istanbullu@lemmy.ml 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

you might have had bad parents, but that does not always generalize.

[–] skulblaka@startrek.website 1 points 6 months ago

Sure, that's fair. And you might have had good parents. But that does not always generalize.

[–] johnlobo@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago

as long as both party consent no problem right? i wish my mom do this for me. 🤣🤣