Today I Learned
What did you learn today? Share it with us!
We learn something new every day. This is a community dedicated to informing each other and helping to spread knowledge.
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rules (interactive)
Rule 1- All posts must begin with TIL. Linking to a source of info is optional, but highly recommended as it helps to spark discussion.
** Posts must be about an actual fact that you have learned, but it doesn't matter if you learned it today. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.**
Rule 2- Your post subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.
Your post subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.
Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.
Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.
Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.
That's it.
Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.
Posts and comments which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.
Rule 6- Regarding non-TIL posts.
Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-TIL posts using the [META] tag on your post title.
Rule 7- You can't harass or disturb other members.
If you vocally harass or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.
Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.
For further explanation, clarification and feedback about this rule, you may follow this link.
Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.
Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.
Let everyone have their own content.
Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.
Unless included in our Whitelist for Bots, your bot will not be allowed to participate in this community. To have your bot whitelisted, please contact the moderators for a short review.
Partnered Communities
You can view our partnered communities list by following this link. To partner with our community and be included, you are free to message the moderators or comment on a pinned post.
Community Moderation
For inquiry on becoming a moderator of this community, you may comment on the pinned post of the time, or simply shoot a message to the current moderators.
view the rest of the comments
Do you have any resources on that? All the ones I’ve found suggest that feelings of attraction are hard-wired into the brain and getting rid of them is impossible.
I'm not saying to get rid of them, I'm saying to exercise self control so you don't act on them. I dunno about resources on that, my dude. It's just kind of a necessity to be a responsible adult.
If by “acting on them” you mean staring, catcalling, asking out, etc. I’m already trying my best to not do that. I’d say I’m quite successful at it, though in crowded spaces it’s often difficult to find a direction to look in that doesn’t contain a woman. And my mom sometimes tells me that I should look at and approach women, so there’s social pressure too.
However, what draws people to incel spaces is the sadness that comes from seeing couples in public or among your friends and knowing that you’ll never experience what they’re doing. Unless I’m misunderstanding, I don’t think what you’re suggesting helps with that.
I can acknowledge that you're partially correct. What I was suggesting was geared towards preventing people from acting in negative impulses. Basically, your brain thinking "no, don't do creepy shit."
But with your example, exercising rationality actually would help, because "the sadness that comes from seeing couples in public or among your friends and knowing that you’ll never experience what they’re doing" is actually an irrational thought.
There's no reason to assume this is actually the case. It's a self fulfilling prophecy that's easily dispelled by recognizing that you're actually capable of having that experience. Some proper therapy can help replace those intrusive thoughts with more empowering ones!
Edit: fixed an autocorrect issue that changed my intended meaning. Sorry.
First off, thank you for engaging critically with my comments rather than dismissing them :) I apologize for the delayed response, I had to sort my thoughts about this.
Isn’t it kind of an example of what you stated in the previous paragraph? By acknowledging that women don’t see me as a potential partner, my brain is preventing me from hurting women by showing my romantic interest. While I could try to combat this thought, it would not be in the best interest of others.
On the contrary, wanting a partner is an irrational thought because it ultimately comes from the natural instinct to reproduce. Hypothetically, if I were asexual, I could just live a fulfilling life alone and everyone would be better off.