Asklemmy

43775 readers

1429 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

136

What's the trick to Menopause? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 month ago by eric_cloudkiller@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

35 comments fedilink hide all child comments

To prevent a recurrence of cancer, my wife's ovaries were removed and it has triggered menopause. We are in our mid 30s. It is a terrible business, with numerous symptoms like pain, discomfort, mood and attitude changes, and the like.

She is seeking treatments by her own idea, but that process has been extremely slow. In the mean time, all affection for me has completely evaporated and been replaced with anger, resentment, distance, and disrespect.

I know that she has no choice in what is happening to her, I know it is not her fault, I know she is barely able to control it, and I don't blame her for any of it. And yet, this new person living with me refuses to interact with me at all unless it's to chastise me for some perceived slight or criticize me for voicing my opinion.

I tried to express that I was feeling undesired and attacked but understood my plight was in no way similar to hers (nor as intense, serious, difficult, or important). I didn't want her to apologize because it wasn't her fault; I only wanted her to recognize that I was having feelings about what was going on.

She told me I had no right to those feelings, reminded me that what was happening was happening to her, and I should never bring it up again if I care about her at all.

So I'm seriously asking: What's the trick here? Do I just wait it out? Am I even allowed to have these feelings? Or should I just shut my big, dumb, stupid mouth? I legitimately want to know how to navigate this because I seem to only be making mistakes.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

I am sorry you are suffering too, beyond the hormonal upheaval she is so young, she may be grieving the loss of her fertility, even if she was not planning children - the usual advice of saying "I'm sorry, that sucks, do you need anything from me" is all I have. Imagine you lost your balls! It would suck, right? Then if she came at you asking you to please consider how it affected her, it might irritate you, yes? Not saying you are wrong in any way to BE affected by it, obviously it would affect you - just that laying that on her when she can't handle it is probably why she overreacts.

I hope the treatment is helpful and everything settles out soon. Hang on for now.