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I'm not sure where you're going with that comment but I'm going to interpret it in the least-charitable way possible and assume you're talking about suicide, and that ain't the path to take, friend. Reach out - that omnishambles of a cockwomble isn't worth it.
If you're talking about moving or leaving the country, then good luck with that too 👍
I've been struggling with my mental health for a long time and I need some type of "win" or "hope", but I currently have none sadly.
I had a coworker I was somewhat close to and could vent to. She just got fired (budget cuts).
I mustered the courage to finally set up therapy again after many years, after a few very negative experiences with "caregivers". First meeting was pretty awesome, second was cancelled by them due to illness. It happens, no judgment there. But they would call back before last weekend for a new appointment, and never did. I just got shadowdumped again, didn't I? What the hell is so offputting about me that even people who get paid to help me won't give me the light of day?
As for a future, that just got robbed from us. 20 years plus if you're 40, more if you're younger. We will never get those years back.
On top of that a myriad of mental and physical aillents, medical debt and no sight for any realistic kind of relief in the near future and... yeah, it's really hard to keep finding reasons to keep going when life is really firing those melon-sized lemons at ya with the speed of a vulcan cannon.
Man I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel or give you hollow "I understand" or "it's going to be okay" promises because I can't back them up, and yeah the next few months are going to be proper shit.
All I can tell you is that having known you for half a dozen paragraphs on a phone screen, I already care about you more than that bumbling punchable arse piece that is going to make life difficult for a couple of years, and I think it'd be super cool if you stayed around a while.
I can't promise you wonders, but I do hope you find your way.
Your kind words are appreciated. I will take them into consideration!