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what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 1 month ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.

Mostly I'm interested in what people are holding back.

The questions I've been asked IRL:

why / how did you pick your name?
how long have you known?
how long before you are done transitioning?
how long do you have to be on HRT?
is transgender like being transracial?
what do the surgeries involve?

For the most part, though, I get silence - people don't want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.

If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.

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[–] JustTesting@lemmy.hogru.ch 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (8 children)

I used to work with a trans woman who was a huge bitch, at least some of the time. Like actually shouting at coworkers for tiny mistakes, all-caps shouting in company chat at people trying to help with stuff, thinking she's the smartest person in any room, that kind of stuff.

i've always wondered if she's just a bitch or if at least some of it could be a side effect of hormone therapy? I mean, completely changing the hormones for your body must have some pretty dramatic effects in many areas and might take a long time until your body adjusts.

but a definitely won't just ask 'yo. Are you just a huge bitch or is it your medication' in a corporate setting.

[edit] just for clarity, she started transitioning about 1 month after she joined that team and I left after about a year and a half, in part because of the mood on the team going to shit, among other reasons. But so I couldn't compare to pre-hormone therapy or anything like that.

[edit2] thank you for all the replies, this was really enlightening and answered a lot of questions! Especially on a topic i feel is discussed less often, or at least I haven't come across.

[–] NightmareQueenJune@beehaw.org 6 points 1 month ago

I guess there are multiple factors. I think the biggest one is just the personality of the person. But starting taking hormones is basically a second puberty for the body. Most trans folks do not become as irretable as a person in their puberty but if one has a predisposition to it, a transition may trigger that a bit.

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