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Look into Non-violent Communication https://www.cnvc.org/
And also this https://pastebin.com/ZHhS044M
Both require very, very stern honesty with oneself and understanding the difference between FEELINGS and NARRATIVES about feelings. You both need to commit to this, and NOT police each other - when one of you sees the other fail, it's on them to translate, not to guilt trip.
(and yes, learning this will initially lead to very stiff and awkward speech, you'll get over it)
This is very good advice. Also, commit to actually listening to the other person
✅Second NVC. Just buy an app that helps structure your script that it goes thru the procees fill in the blanks style kind of and it will give you a decent starting point if you like something a bit more interactive than the basic diagram above
Maybe listen to a session or some NVC clips in action on Youtube to get a feel for it
Invite them to use NVC (even let them use your app when its their turn) on something they need that maybe they feel like you're not 100% on for them.
If the friendship has the legs, they will be into it, if not they will likey feel like you're not worth the trouble for them. Either way, its good because it seperates the wheat from the chaff in terms of who your actualy genuine relationships are with.
Plan it out first, then text them step by step if they are open to engaging. I really like texting for these things because it gives everyone space to think and react or slow themselvesdown and be more conscious of how they are feeling and what their options are for responding and its easier to be grace-giving because its not face to face
Yes good advice here. I find the simplest thing to say and the hardest thing to do at the time is to notice when I am taking things personally and then just stop that. Nothing the other person is saying is actually about me and all about them. Of course if something they are saying is fair or useful then I can use that later to see why it hurts and what that might be pointing to. Another great book is the four agreements.