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I feel like I derive so much of my identity from my past, and its just weighing me down at this point. How do I drop it? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I had quite a shitty life when I was younger and I feel like it's come to define me. Since I had no control over what my actual life looked like, I instead chose to define my identity by what I wanted it to look like, and what I would have done had I had the freedom to choose. So I based my identity on my made up story instead of my actual story.

FFW to today and I finally have a lot more say over what my life actually looks like. I feel like those past wishes are kinda burdening me now. I feel indebted to my past self to finally do those things I wished I could do back then in order to realize that story that I had always identified with. Because if I don't, there will be nothing in my past for me to identify with me other than that shitty life that I didn't choose.

But I've realized this is a mistake. I've realized I don't ever plan my future without first thinking of my past. This can't be good. By doing that, I am being held captive by my own history which I didn't chose. Playing catch-up with the past to fulfill the plans I based my identity on might feel very right, but it would cost a lot of time. I'd never catch up with my peers who are content with their historu and living in the present.

How do I unlearn this? It feels so deeply rooted in the way I see myself that it's gonna need some psycho shit like shrooms or something to even make my mind aware of what it's doing

Edit: I do plan on going to counselling but I wanted to see what Lemmy thinks first

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[–] bastion@feddit.nl 2 points 1 month ago

Sort through the emotional issues. I know this is probably typical advice, but seriously. Even though it takes a while, and looks impossible, process those feelings. It's not impossible, because it's a learned skill. . When you start off, making progress is dreadfully slow. but as you learn how, doing it becomes easier.

You don't have to sacrifice who you were to become someone you'd want to be. Who you were will always be a part of you, anyways. But as you grow, it ceases to be the dominant voice - just, something to consider.