Asklemmy

Many years ago I was painting stars on a bedroom ceiling for my oldest's third birthday. I had been running the ceiling fan in the room for all the other painting to help it dry faster, and it didn't occur to me that running the fan while I was on a ladder painting stars on the ceiling wasn't a good idea.

To be fair, I got most of them done before it went bad.

The ceiling fan hit me in the head, and I heard a stadium crowd cheering the home run as I flew off the ladder and landed on my back.

I managed to get a bruise that went around the front of my head. It looked like my skull had flexed.

I decided I had painted enough that day.

I once had a group drive by in a van, and harass me and my friends as they passed, then, maybe 30 minutes later, come around again, slow down as they were driving past, open the sliding door, and started throwing fish at us. Like whole dead fish.

I went dirt bike riding with my dad and my brother. My brother hadn't ridden in a while, so dad started to go over the basics with him. He had other ideas however.

"I know what I'm doing", my brother complained, interrupting the explanation. He then proceeded to start the bike, rev the handle all the way, and dump the clutch. He popped a wheelie and got maybe five feet before he fell over. Funniest thing I've ever seen.

I was talking to a colleague in the office hallway who was holding an empty coffee mug. He fumbled with it a bit until it slipped out of his hands. He tried to catch it, got it, it slipped again, and again, and again. He juggled with that thing for what felt like an eternity until he finally caught it safely. I couldn't stop laughing.

I was leaning against the side of my bike while talking with someone. It rolled away and did a full 360 circle while I fell, and somehow I ended up in exactly the same position as before. And I was just like Uuuuh okay?

Another one that I saw was while ice skating. These two tiny girls were skating hand in hand. One of them fell on her ass, and they both laughed, then the other fell, and they laughed even harder, and they kept falling as they were trying to pull each other up. I hope they're still friends :)

I fell down concrete steps and rolled into it and came back on my feet relatively unscathed. That reminds me also about a car accident I was in. Was in the left lane of a multi lane highway and a guy made a left lane change into my rear bumper (really closer to my center but I noticed and tried to speed up and honky but still got clipped). My cars back slipped left such that my care pointed forward. Another car slammed into my right side front flipping me onto the left side of the car and pointing me forward again but my momentum mainly stayed going to the right hand ditch which I eventually got to and then my vehicle flipped back upright do to the ditch decline. I was injured but again relative to what just happened and Im throwing this in but just to be clear it was a really aweful experience for not just me but many other people and other people got seriously injured. I just lucked the fuck out.

I feel like I become the subject of physical comedy semi-regularly, actually. I'm a very clumsy person.

Every moment, Existence is some cruel joke.