this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
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Snapping out of your fantasy as you're being eaten alive is a bad move.
Here is a black bear, a grizzly, and a polar bear.
And Marcie.
They may kill SEAL with a slap but how many polar bear slaps does it take to kill members of other special forces?
That depends on the bear's tactical training, if the bear went through bootcamp then it's one slap, if the bear is also a SEAL then it's half a slap.
One
Fighting bears isn’t that common of an encounter. I’d be more worried about deer and coyotes or even a single cougar than the off chance of encountering a bear. They will definitely fuck you up but it’s not like they are starting their day to be like “Imma go murder a human” in the same way other urban-adjacent animals are—I think they just wanna get that sweet sweet pick-a-nic basket.
dies from turkey assault
Moose are not to be trifled with either. If you accidentally put yourself between mama and baby, you’re gonna have a real bad time
You mean there are single cougars in your local area ? I always thought these ads were lying
There are enough of them that I no longer go in certain areas of the forest unless I'm armed. And I always have 2 arms on me at all times.
Maybe the targeted advertising got your location wrong?
And the cocaine. Some of them also want that sweet cocaine.
Bear is black, fight back.
Bear is brown, turn around.
Bear is white, say good night.
Turn around is a bad idea
If it's brown, lie down
I had heard it as turn around, but lie down makes much more sense.
Bear is white, say good night, and tuck it in and tell it a story. Once the bear has fallen asleep snuggle up to it, so it has a fresh morning snack.
I remember somewhere they were saying you should remove your clothes (slowly piece by piece) with a polar bear. The bear will get distracted and start sniffing your clothes.
I think it was a QI episode and then David Mitchell said something like that Polar Bear being happier in the fact that the human would be better to eat this time because it didn't have a wrapper.
This works because polar bears are super horny. Its desire to rend you limb from limb will be replaced by overwhelming lust. Of course then you've got a completely different issue to deal with, but at least you might not die.
That’s a myth perpetuated by the polar bears, they’re just perverts
I think removing your clothes is just so the bear doesn't choke to death on your Nikes.
Also.
Some black bears are brown.
Some brown bears are black.
Good luck everyone.
Polar bears have black skin. Polar bears are black bears.
What kind of bear is that wearing the sunglasses?
Mama bear
Honey bear.
Also, one of the few animals that will hunt humans for food
Can’t blame them. They’re running out of options.
Another reference, this time in 3D:
Me, 6'4" 235lb, that's a full grown and a cub 1:1 statue
And there was a time that humans with stone tools were like yep I can kill that
That picture is not in 3D. Not at all.
You have to use your 3D monocle for this one
That cub will fuck me up
Whatever that little thing laying on the rock would fuck me up.
Is that polar bear turd?
It would.
Off on a tangent, but relevant, I recently watched a video from a big cat trainer, and he stated that lion and tiger cubs are absolutely lethal at the age of 6 months. They can literally play with you to death.
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Do not – and I really cannot stress this enough – give any of those bears cocaine
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180 seconds feels extremely generous tbh
Bear doesn't view something our size as even remotely a threat. We're assuming the bear isn't hungry and just not that interested.
Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
Meaning they interbreed in the wild (somewhat rare), and produce viable offspring that can have babies as well.
We’re actually noticing this happening more and more with climate change. As Grizzly populations move further and further north, they’re encountering polar bears more often and are more likely to mate. Some scientists actually think within the next couple centuries due to arctic sea ice pretty much disappearing polar bears will either go extinct, or interbreed with grizzlies so much that there isn’t a “pure” polar bear left. Most likely a mix of both.
Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
Calling it that gives it too much credit, it is something thought up in the 17th/18th century without any concept of genetics and evolution.
Which might explain why it breaks down almost instantly under any amount of scrutiny.
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Your survival time would depend on how far apart you and the bear are, how's fast you can run, and how angry or hungry the bear is.
Polar bears can reach 25 mph, I don't see myself outrunning that.
Don't run, you'll just die tired.
Polar bears hunt even when not hungry because of the general scarcity of food in their environment
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