Not sure if this is the same problem, but it has been noticed that passing messages between federated instances has been hampered by the way the "worker threads" are currently been done. The big instances are essentially getting overloaded with outbound federation work. Solutions for that are in the works. issue/3230
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I had a similar problem that ended up having to do with my server's language settings. I didn't realize you can select more than just "Undetermined" by holding down shift or ctrl. So everything tagged as English didn't appear until I went back and fixed it. You can read the whole odyssey here: https://lemmy.ml/post/1205767
I have the same issue. I use multiple accounts across different servers, and get a different subset of comments across each one. Not sure the solution right now.
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I am commenting on this post from my own instance and it says it has 0 replies which I know is wrong. I did only federate with Selfhosted just a few hours ago. Who know how long it will take this post to get back to lemmy.world.