First 30 something years of my life I’ve been convinced there’d be something very wrong with me because I never knew what I wanted like my peers, untill I finally realized I didn’t know what to want because I fucking already had everything I needed.
this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2026
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Mental Health
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There was a brief period in college where I used to get super scared of going up a flight of stairs. It's crazy because I've lived in a house with stairs my whole life and ventured into the city and climbed stairs all the time. There was just something about this campus that made me have a near heart attack for almost 2 years. And it was only going up. I could literally sprint down the stairs and be fine. Going up I'd get real nervous and it felt like I ran a marathon when I got to the top.
Mood. I also sometimes get these anxiety attacks where I'm just unable to function and get so anxious about the stairs on campus I just end up walking in a circle or sitting on a bench trying to calm down.
enough to give me shingles, and alopecia areata when i was taking classes at a CC, that decided to make thier classes harder than nearby state unis.
I was worried if I did something too well... oh no! so I panicked until I couldn't do anything well. That's been the first 40 odd years of my life.