I do the exact same as you, with the exception of a few topic-specific instances, where the local communities are only about that topic. There I will actually use Local as default.

At least on my Kbin instance, going in All and Local opens me up to doom-and-gloom “big corporation and alt-right bad” news and outrage bait.

I agree wholeheartedly with “big corporation and alt-right bad” and that they’re the cause of too many of the world’s big serious problems. I’d also rather spend my time on Kbin enjoying what I see instead of getting mad. I can already find out what horrible thing a corporation or alt-right politician has done from the regular news, without the understandable but exhausting comment chain of outrage.

Even without an algorithm shoving it down your throat, outrage bait will rise to popular status on its own. Unfortunately, getting mad at and feeling superior to the idiotsincars, choosingbeggars, etc. is kind of crack to our brains. I’m no exception, which is why I have to only look at /sub. I have to keep it out of sight, because if it’s in my feed, I’ll click on it and get mad too.

So how do I find new stuff? There’s a lot of communities out there whose purpose is to advertise other communities. I subscribe to those.

It might also just be that the person asking you just always asks.

did I pass and you just ask everyone this because not everyone conforms to the gender binary?”

… I already brought up that possibility :(

Not conservative.

I’ve gotten very very used to being asked for titles on forms and the like. I’ve gotten used to respecting other peoples’ pronouns.

I have not gotten used to being asked for my own, and I don’t like it.

I understand that you can look just like me while having a gender identity that does not match my own—some men like to present in a feminine manner sometimes while still being men, and some people are non-binary, third gender, agender, etc. but might still dress in a very feminine way for whatever reason. To cover all your bases, ask pronouns, because guessing “she/her” at a feminine presentation in a body with a feminine shape won’t always be right. If you want to maximize your chances of being correct, you need to ask.

But whenever I’m asked, I also wonder if I’ve presented in a way that signals anything other than “woman” (which frequently but does not always line up with feminine presentations from feminine bodies). Did I just totally fail at presenting the way I want to and if forced to assume you’d guess I’m third gender, or are you being inclusive and considering that people who present like me aren’t always women? It’s the privileged, cis-woman version of “did you have to ask because I failed hard at passing, or did I pass and you just ask everyone this because not everyone conforms to the gender binary?” I’m really used to my gender being assumed and assumed correctly, and am not comfortable with people being unsure or even assuming wrong. I’m basically getting a microdose of what many non-cis, non-binary, and/or nongenderconforming people have to deal with, and I don’t like it.

I also understand it is probably for the benefit of most people (I’m aware of some non-cis people also disliking people asking pronouns, with reasons being along the lines of “please assume, I’m a binary trans person and asking makes me worry I don’t pass” or “I’m in the closet right now and asking my pronouns makes me choose between outing myself and misgendering myself” and it’s worth finding some solution for this) for asking to be normalized, so I let my personal discomfort and dislike go. After I ask if they asked pronouns because they honestly thought it’s super likely I don’t use she/her in which case oh god what do I change so I can make the assumption be that I use she/her, or if it’s just them trying to be inclusive and cover all bases which is good and respectable.

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Added the games, skipped the communities that are specifically about your mods for games. That feels a lot more self-promotional.

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I think you are right, considering there’s an issue on Codeberg directly referencing my post.

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I can’t actually see the source of the OP of this chain on kbin.

I’m going to be honest, I have no idea why this is happening. I never thought I would be the idiot who would have to have other users reformat their unusable links and I’m upset that I am apparently that idiot and I’m incredibly frustrated by it. I thought !communityName@instanceName and @communityName@instanceName were supposed to work across the Fediverse so I didn’t have to resort to [text I want to display](URL) every time I wanted to share a community, I guess not. I cannot grasp why some of these are not working for people and are sending everyone to a kbin.cafe search link, even if they’re from Lemmy. Especially since when I used @communityName@instanceName on a different post, I was told by a Lemmy user that !communityName@instanceName was instance-agnostic and would let you access the community through your own instance. Not through mine (kbin.cafe). And that I shouldn’t use @communityName@instanceName because it would send everyone straight to that instance, where if it isn’t also your instance you’re probably not logged in so interacting would be inconvenient.

I wanted to make a helpful resource, not something people have to spend time fixing because it doesn’t work and I’m very upset that 1) it had to be fixed for me and 2) I can’t understand how to fix it myself. Apparently @communityName@instanceName should be equivalent to [text I want to display](URL) but given that listening to that Lemmy user didn’t work out for my current links I have no idea if swapping the ! for @ would actually work. Plus even if it did, interacting from your own instance would be inconvenient.

I did use the Lemmy style.

I was told to use !community@instance… so that's what I'm using here

This is also what constantly pops up in Lemmy sidebars.

You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: !communityName@instanceName

Unless you mean that the Lemmy style is just !community, you don’t type @instanceName after it. Did you mean that?

I was under the impression the way I typed the links would work for everyone. I suppose I was taught incorrectly and I’m extremely frustrated by it. I don’t want to be the village idiot trying to help only to require everyone fix their mistakes for them but it seems that’s what I am right now.