Monster96

Growing up, I’ve always heard that we were living in the end times. That one day, something will happen that will punish everyone who deserves to be punished. At least, that’s what I was told. But does that mean everyone will be punished? Or, will some be spared? What happens to those who were chosen to be spared? Would they die like the bad people, or would they continue to live?

Or, would being able to live be the punishment?

I think about this a lot. Because I was born into this world of misery and death, does that mean that I’m a bad person? That I was chosen to be punished? But why? I didn’t choose to be born.

So…why am I here then?

So tired of the loss, the struggle, the loneliness, the always giving, never getting. I'm so very, very tired.

Family members always asking for me to do something for them but never lift a finger to help. Work putting me through hell but no compensation. Giving my all to work and family with no help in return.

I always thought making my hobbies more interesting would make people be interested in me but all I get is "Oh cool...anyways-" when I show them the video game I made. When I tell them the book I wrote. When I show them a painting I made. I get ghosted when I try to talk to people I meet. They say the only way to cure loneliness is by yourself but that's a load of bullshit. I can only say I have one friend who I sometimes play games with and talk over discord. I've met people but I'm always to initiate conversation, to invite them to do something. Recently, I've met people who seemed interested in the work I do and requested my contact info. But yet, my messages remain empty.

I hear of people I know in my life traveling, winning big amounts of money, getting married, having kids, getting promoted. Me? A virgin with a bachelor's, in their 30s, living with their parents, stuck in a job for 2 years that still considers me a trainee, and posting a vent online because no one in my life gives a shit about how I'm feeling.

I'm so very tired, boss.

I need some good news to lift my otherwise shitty situation. What was the last thing that brought you to tears from happiness?

I've always been interested in learning other languages so it'd be cool to get some recommendations. So far, I've come to like Me!Me!Me! by Teddyloid, the instrumental for Headbanger by Baby Metal, J'en Ai Marre by Alizee, and Yuve Yuve Yu by The HU.

For example, I love to sing. However, only one other person in my life has ever heard me sing and I haven't seen that person in years. I'm not sure I'm good at singing but I think I can hit the notes well enough.

Be it your best friend, your dog, cat, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, and all that exists in between. How did you meet them?

I don't mean like how happy you are today. I mean overall, are you satisfied with everything you are up until this point? For me, for an example, I have a decent job that keeps my head just above water. I have a loving family that I see every couple months or weeks. I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want. But, overall, I'm sort of lonely and exhausted from constantly working. So, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm about a 6.

Be it a personality quirk, something they're wearing, or just the way they look. What makes them instantly hot?

It's crazy what's been happening lately. I have a relatively big family and, honestly I don't know a whole of them, but in the past two weeks two extended family members passed. Then, this morning, I just got the news that my aunty whom I've known all my life passed.

Whats going on? Why are so many people dying? In the past year I've lost 4 family members. All to sickness or to some sort of external factor.

I wish I was like John Coffey. I'm not religious, in fact God can fuck off, but I wish I could get healing powers. Imagine what life would be like if instead of dying, grieving, crying, people can celebrate, smile, laugh. Parents can see their sick children grow to be adults. People can see the world instead of seeing it through the windows from a bed. People can walk with their families instead of wheeling by their side. If I had supernatural healing powers, like the people in the movies I watch and video games I play, that could all be possible.

I often think that life is a punishment. Being able to live isn't a gift. It feels more like a curse.