RhoemDK

Yesterday I saw someone post asking what people want South Park to do next.

In the "Free Hat" episode Misters Parker and Stone made their feelings quite clear on the subjects of creators remaking their films (and baby murder). Star wars: Episode IV - A New Hope would probably be on everyone's' list of movies that should never be remade, even though it's been remade many times either by cheap knockoffs or spoofs from Muppet Babies to Family Guy. It's weird to think that Star Wars has been a contentious subject for almost my entire life.

I enjoyed the recent Panderverse special and I was actually hoping for more. I thought it'd be funny if they did a two-parter where the first half is the boys finding out that Cartmankathleen Kennedy did a new special edition of A New Hope before being sent back to her own universe, and she did her best to put a chick in it and make it lame. The boys battle to see the movie stopped, touting it as the destruction of everything good, but end up failing. The second episode is just the new special edition, in South Park animation.

The movie is basically the same except that Leia is now the main character, voiced by Cartmankathleen Kennedy, and also there are enhanced graphics and lots of extra dewback lizards and Imperial walkers etc wandering around in the background.

Instead of giving a message to R2D2 at the start, Leia uses an Evil Morty style eyepatch device to take control of the droid and pilot it to find Obi Wan Kenobi. This way it can talk like Cartman and do things like fly with its rocket boosters and shoot a flame thrower or whatever like it did in Attack of the Clones and then never again I guess. This way Leia is a strong woman and takes control of her own rescue. Also when Luke is training with the floating orb on the Falcon Cartman-R2 just shoots it with a laser and calls him a little bitch.

Then when they get to the death star Leia takes charge, surfing into the garbage chute, like Legolas riding a shield down steps, where she immediately kills the Dianoga monster before prying the door open with her bare hands.

Later during the escape Luke and Han are injured so Leia puts Luke on her back and drags an unconscious Han by his arm, like the Tremor Brothers from Smokin Aces failed hit job, as she makes her way back to the ship while headshotting Stormtroopers with her free arm like John Wick.

When they get to the rebel base Leia gives the war briefing, telling Luke to stop talking to his friends during her briefing and calling him a little bitch again as an Imperial walker goes through the background.

They do the trench run like normal except now there are a hundred times as many ships with better graphics all firing lasers and a dozen Porkins all slam into the Death Star and explode in a giant fireball. And when the Falcon appears to save the day at the end Leia is at the helm. She tracked Han down, locked him in a closet and took the ship back with Chewie. She blows up Darth Vader's TIE before pushing Luke's X-wing out of the way to take the final shot herself, blowing up the Death Star.

And at the end they finally fix the medal presentation scene. Luke, Han and Chewie go up to Leia during the ceremony and turn to the crowd to show that Leia has hung all 3 medals around her own neck and is spraying herself with a bottle of champagne as the crowd erupts in thunderous applause and a dewback reptile walks through the background.

And the episode finishes with everyone on Earth agreeing it's the funniest movie that's ever been made as Cartmankathleen Kennedy gets super pissed that everyone is laughing at her special edition because we've all realized that getting upset about movies made for 11 year olds is kinda silly.