Shelena

I do not think that if you are irritated by tags it necessarily means that you are autistic. I get irritated by tags and I have been tested for autism and I am not autistic. I am not completely neurotypical in other ways though.

Grachtengordel. Scheveningen. Qapla'.

Als we Nieuw Amsterdam niet hadden gegeven aan de Engelsen hadden jullie allemaal Nederlands gesproken! ;-)

Hé, dat is niet aardig!

It applies to systems that are complex enough to formulate the Godel sentence, i.e. "I am unprovable". Gödel did this using basic arithmetic. So, any system containing basic arithmetic is either incomplete or inconsistent. I believe it is still an open question in what other systems you could express the Gödel sentence.

It is impossible to prove that it is the case that everything is fake and it is impossible that it isn't. Lots of things like this we cannot know for sure. However, you parents being real, society being real etc is a less complex explanation than everything being a VR simulation. If you do not have additional information, then the less complex explanation often is the most likely. So, if you assume reality is not a simulation, you are more likely to be right.

My theory is that most people are scared, so they try to belong to a group so that they are less scared. The cohesion in the group is determined by the extent to which its participants are alike. To promote cohesion, people tend to conform to the rest of the group (speaking teh same way, dressing the same way, having similar interests etc.).

Now, if someone does not conform to the group, for example, because they dress differently, or have different interests, then either they are not in the group and should be kept our to promote cohesion (according to these people). If they are already in the group and do not conform, they are either pushed into confirming or cast out of the group, to ensure that cohesion remains intact. This is why some people act like people who are neurodivergent are different, I think.

TL;DR: Many people need to be part of a group to feel safe and feel like people acting differently threatens their group.

Just a bunch of gibberish

Yes. I always say that it seems like my mind just does not have the program to process good situations and respond. It just does not know what to do with it and starts looping and responding as if it were a bad situation but it cannot find the danger.

Much (not all) of my trauma is due to emotional neglect and psychological abuse. Someone literally baked me a cake a week ago and now part of me never wants to see them again because it feels too dangerous. :-( It takes so much effort to go back and act like everything is okay. If someone hurts me, I do not like it, but at least I know how to deal with that. It feels less dangerous.

I am sorry to hear you have experienced so much you are in the same boat. I wish it wasn't the case. I am a good responder in crisis as well. I immediately get energy and feel like I know what to do! Although in some cases I tend to underrespond.

A couple of years ago I saw some people fighting in the street. It was a typical situation where people seemed to be feeling the bystander effect and did nothing. So, I thought I should probably do something and I went calmly to the police station nearby to get them. Looking back and discussing with others that were there, in hindsight, this was a situation to run and get the police, not walk calmly. But I just thought it wasn't that big of a deal. At least I did something.

Another time the fire alarm went of at my work. I started to search the building for people that needed help to get outside or did not hear the alarm instead of going outside myself. This was not my job. We had dedicated people for that. I should have just gone outside, but my automatic behaviour was starting to try and save people. It was a false alarm, by the way, but apparently it still triggered some kind of trauma response or something. My boss was angry with me as they could not account for me outside of the building.

I think you are right. I was 'trained' to always put others first even if it harms me. So that is what I do when the alarm goes off.

Have you found stuff that works? I write a lot of letters to express what I cannot say. This helps a bit. Also, some forms of massage help me. People touching me also triggers me, but I have found a message therapist that I somewhat got used to now. EMDR only worked for some of the more recent trauma's, not for the more structural earlier ones. I recently started doing somatic experiencing as well, not sure yet whether that helps. I still have a long way to go before I start functioning normal again. (I did for a long time until suddenly I did not a couple of years ago.)

For me if things go well, I sometimes keep on looking where the bad in it is. I keep thinking: Okay, this seems good, so what am I missing here? And if people are nice to me and I feel I can trust them, I get scared and want to flee and be by myself. The more I feel there is genuine contact, the more scary it is.

I was diagnosed with cPTSD as well, by the way.

Sure, what is your email address?

If you send me your emailadress I will send you some papers