Yikes, don't quit your day job.
Imagine living and enjoying your city and the people in it quite a lot. Then try to imagine that every piece of national news you'll ever see about it is because of cars or the selling of murder narratives. It gets old and doubly so when someone is trying to paint a portrait of a place and community they've never stepped foot in. I love this place and my Muslim and Jewish neighbors that live in it. If you don't feel the same way for your community and your neighbors then I feel sad for you.
Did you think I didn't understand your joke and that's why I thought it wasn't funny? It's just not a funny or original joke. We get that you thought it was funny, hence the gracious advice to not attempt a career in comedy.
What's your endgame here where you turn into the statistician nobody wanted or asked for? You were unlikable before this and now its just crossing into lonely sad man territory. You pissing into the wind while you desperate wikifacts and USA Today articles isn't improving anyone's stock in your opinion. I'm glad you don't like the city so many of us happily call home. Nobody asked you and nobody cares.