Pay him under the table, through the grapevine, what have you. I get the feeling he'd have no qualms about such an arrangement. I would rather have bribery bidding wars than (any more) real war.
Edit: Unless bribes have historically started wars, idk I am high and forgot any and all history trivia long ago to the clouuuuds. Also, am I in a fever dream?
I am holding out hope that most of this exchange is in jest (please god how did we end up in a world where this is even seriously considered) but I will add to your great questions of where that EU bribery money could be better spent (which would be on literally anything else) ...
Does the bribe have to be liquid money?
Couldn't it just be giving him overvalued stock or some throwaway business with the same name as a huuuuge international brand but just spelled a little different because he won't notice anyway? Perhaps offer him free reign of the English Chanel and ohhh he'd just gobble it right up because Chanel right, you know, and well he's pretty sure he's seen the word Chanel somewhere before so it's going to be a good deal, very good deal, yes I make great deals very good
why am chaneling trump speak
^still^ ^high^