skymtf

joined 1 year ago
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34
Everything feels so Loud (CW Depression/Sucide) (pricefield.org)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by skymtf@pricefield.org to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
7 comments fedilink
 

spoilerI think I hit the last straw today, I have been really trying to get a job, hunderds of attempts and nothing, I finallly get an interview and I thought I did well, I did'nt turns out, I have nothing. On top of that my friends are now asking for rent, this was the one city I finally had some form of a support system now I have to move back home and leave it behind and return to a place I did not have any support system once so ever. I will likely need to quit hrt due to lack of funds. I am now thinking instead of suffering like I did alone for years, why not just commit. My plan is to create a massive scene to make everyone hate me, I will than disappear and commit in a random town far away from here cause I don't fucking care anymore. I am 2.5k in debt, nothing fucking matters. I have been holding out my entire life and shit never seems to get better. People just tell me well theres gotta be something postive in your home town :), but that comes across as a massive fuck you from someone who just was alone and cried in her bed constantly for years. and legit had nothing better to do than doom scroll twitter. I am humbling convienced that's as good as I am allowed to have based on karma from actions I did when I was 12-14. I know I am gonna get banned for this post but everything feels so loud. I chugged a monster and I started to have chest pain I legit didnt care anymore I just needed to feel something other than the numbness. I legit don't even know if I am real anymore and i LEGIT have no options anymore. I really doubt my friends would support me if I told them hey I'm sucidal they would likely just say we don;t know you like that and talk about how inappropriate it was to just drop that on them like that. I suck as a person I humbly believe that I deserve to be an unidentified jane doe somewhere. I also know I am very likely to be banned for this post but I really don't care nothing fuccking matters anymore I cwed this post as best I can I just can't fucking take it everything feels so loud ever since I read that fucking email, this is the millionth email I gotten like that

The New York Times source code leaked by a 4chan user in c/technology@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 14 points 5 months ago (19 children)

I have not read the news in a really long time just cause paywalls are annoying as frick.

Elon Musk says it's his turn to have the remote in c/technology@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 5 points 6 months ago

Let me guess, the streaming services on it will be like DailyWire+, PragerU. What else

ByteDance won't sell TikTok, would rather pull it from the US in c/technology@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 6 points 6 months ago

I think this is a good move honestly, they want it to be an algo similar to meta which you know is terrible, meta is like mostly dudes saying gen Z men are AWAKE and hate LGBT people and tate clips. They seem to have much less success in the algorithm on tiktok

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. in c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 4 points 6 months ago (4 children)

So update, it really didn't. I feel kinda insecure over that.

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. in c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

it's not that anyone cares about me that much, but rather that no one should be forced to experience that. 911 operators have training in dealing with death.

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. in c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 0 points 6 months ago

Likely a heart monitor plugged into a python script would work. Than have some basic tts read "Hello, this an automated voice message, Skylar is now deceased, heart rate was recorded flat at {{time}} the location is {{location}}" ideally I'm gonna pick a parking garage which isn't active the day I'm planning on ending it.

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. in c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 0 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Generally my idea would be to take the pills than shoot myself afterwards, mainly the goal would be making me a hard case for paramedics, unable to figure out what to treat first.

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. in c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 7 points 6 months ago (2 children)

When I was being abused by my dad, adults told me hey you'll be 18 one day. I'm an adult now, and fuck things actually got worse

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. in c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 1 points 6 months ago

My plan is gonna take a while but I ever the intent is still there

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. in c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org -2 points 6 months ago

They deal with death everyday, it comes with the job. And also for the cops are fuck heads that harass black people and ruin people lives, they deserve to see a dead fucking body

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. in c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I have nothing, no one will make me feel warm and safe and help me. That's the truth. I'm alone.

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. in c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
[–] skymtf@pricefield.org -5 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Blaming HRT on someone being suicidal isn't science, that's not even fucking proven. Jesus Christ. Just cause it didn't help me doesn't mean it didn't help countless others fuck

27
Does anyone else have a personality type that's just incompatible with everyone (pricefield.org)
 

I feel like everyone eventually gets annoyed with me, and I just always end up alone. I loose all my friends, and Ive never really had a healthy loving partnership. I just feel hopeless

-1
Looking for leftist leaning unbias non copro world news with an RSS feed, does that exist? (pricefield.org)
 

I'm looking for a non copro news feed to throw into my news feed. I really hate how all my news is major corpo sources that always side with cops and corpos.

39
Why is CalyxOS consider more private than Graphine, but Graphine is more secure? (pricefield.org)
 

I read a post here a while back claiming that graphine is less private but somehow more secure. Of course the only person I have to ask is the graphine Matrix who claims are the opposite of this. Generally my main concern about Calyx is it's Fake google play thing. Apparently this is less private than graphineOS's sandboxed google play since it is still connecting to Google, and is just as privileged as Google play usually is.

57
I can't even really get out of bed most days, (pricefield.org)
 

I feel super hopeless, I know I posted here before but I feel like it just keeps getting worse.

0
Questions about anarchism (pricefield.org)
 

I have a few questions regarding it, like what replaces areas where massively agreed upon things need to be determined such as radio standards for wireless devices, and what medical procedures are safe and effective?

33
Will Lemmy ever add federated delete? (pricefield.org)
 

I have been curious of this one since it's a feature that mastodon has, and while I understand with FOSS software anyone can disable that, but usually people don't and if I knew they were doing that I would defederate them.

-1
Are androids even profitable in the US (pricefield.org)
 

I've been questioning if android is even profitable enough for manufacturers to justify it in the US, like apple has the largest market share in the US and I see that everyday. Nearly every phone I see is an iPhone. The android phones I do see are rarely flagships.

43
I feel lost, alone and honestly kinda scared. (pricefield.org)
 

I have both autism and ADHD, and I just feel pretty awful since I graduated college. I'm really low-functioning; most of the time, I can't even get basic household tasks done, much less find a job. My funds are dwindling, and soon paying for HRT will be a challenge. I feel like it wasn't this bad when I was younger; I'm now 21 and it's starting to get unbearable. I cannot really get meds cause I don't have insurance.

10
Is waterfox spooky? (pricefield.org)
 

I have been using Waterfox for some time now, and I generally really like it, and since it appears to be using QT I do not have that annoying mismatch I tend to have with Firefox and Librewolf. However I did recently become aware that it's owned by an ad company, my general question is have they done anything spooky yet? also while this might come off as a general paranoia are the accounts I logged in using Waterfox safe

1
Would it be okay if I created a bot that reposted Erin Reeds substack here (pricefield.org)
 

Her substack has an RSS feed so it would be super easy to do.

95
I feel like anti encryption bills will only ban it from the main stream and be used to punish people who don't let the police see their devices (pricefield.org)
 

I feel like anti encryption bills do nothing but allow the mainstream public go get their DMS used for ads, and punish people who don't give all their data to cops upon arrest. I feel like people like me would just use foreign matrix instances where encryption is legal

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