yoda
joined 1 year ago
I hope you don't read this as patronizing but: You come off as incredibly persistent and thoughtful, at least judging from the contents of your post.
I know very little about your situation or what it's like to be in your shoes. I personally have found a lot of motivation/meaning from reading dostoevsky, victor frankl's man's search for meaning, etc. If you can't concentrate while reading, can you get an audiobook version somehow?
Wishing you the best possible outcome given your situation. Peace.