Bad Movies

LUST, BETRAYAL AND DISMEMBERMENT

Vicki Kent returns home after a long stint in a mental facility. Unfortunately, she hasn't lost any of her murderous tendencies and soon she goes after some old enemies.

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IT'S COMING FOR YOU FROM SPACE TO WIPE ALL LIVING THINGS FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH! CAN IT BE STOPPED?

A misguided scientist enables an alien from Venus named Zontar to come to earth in order to "help solve man's problems". However, as soon as Zontar arrives on Earth, it quickly becomes obvious that the three-eyed, bat-winged, skeletal black creature has a hidden agenda.

Space Mutiny

1988 - Not Rated - 1h 31m

A pilot is the only hope to stop the mutiny of a spacecraft by its security crew, who plot to sell the crew of the ship into slavery.

It would be sad if it weren't so pathetic.

OK, folks! Don't worry, I won't be giving away anything important, although I don't think I could spoil this movie if I tried. So off we go...

As what sounds like Kintaro's arrangement of 'O Fortuna' wafts our way, we are subjected to the film's opening credits. They look like they were produced by a Commodore 64 and they freeze up more than once because there are too darned many moving objects on the screen.

Welcome to Battlestar Galactica-- I mean, the Southern Sun! This ship is home to an entire civilization, despite the fact that 90% of it appears to be a brewery. In charge of this magnificent flying basement is Captain Santa Claus, assisted by his Billy-Idol-wannabe sidekick. I've seen this movie at least a dozen times and still am not really sure what the plot is, but it has something to do with a greasy-haired guy named Kalgan trying to disrupt the transportation of a bunch of magical -- and (of course) extremely horny -- women. Santa puts our seemingly brain-damaged hero Ryder in charge of defeating Kalgan. Meanwhile Captain Santa's daughter Leah, who somehow doesn't seem much younger than the Captain himself, gets pretty chummy with Ryder. In the words of Crow T. Robot: "If you pretend you know what's going on, it's actually kind of exciting."

Watch and enjoy the following: Vacu-formed unitards, ridiculously small weapons, Santa's incredibly fake beard, tinfoil muu-muus, Kalgan's giggling fits, Ryder's bizarre reaction shots, a woman who punches in at work despite the fact that she was just murdered, Leah's sensual Dance of the Hoola Hoop, the most '80s bar scene EVER, women who reeeeeally like Van DeGraf Generators, countless shots of computer screens (graphics by Kenner), Ryder's attempt to say 'auxiliary', and numerous molasses-fast chase scenes involving golf carts... or floor waxers or something.

This movie is not campy; it's just that everything is wrong in all the right ways. Acting, sets, lighting, costumes, dialogue... they're all just plain goofy. These folks tried to make an exciting space-drama -- and maybe it would've been if they had dared to take ANYTHING up a notch -- but every aspect of it just says, "space movie" and nothing more.

If this movie was just plain bad, you might have to feel sad for the people that made it, thinking it would work. However, it makes such a leap into the ridiculous that you just have to laugh. A must-see for fans of so-bad-it's-good movies. And whether you love or hate sci-fi, this is a very funny movie.

I give it a 4 -- it may not affect you the way it's supposed to, but it's great entertainment."

-ptrschckl

Also Available:

Space Mutiny - The Music Video

Mystery Science Theater 3000 - #820 - Space Mutiny

Just watched this on Hulu and unfortunately I wouldn't recommend it. The ridiculous premise didn't stick the landing. I feel it would have worked better as a short film or as a joke trailer. Anyone else gave it a chance?

A nerd is constantly harassed and ridiculed by a group of punks. He decides to buy a course in "being cool" on videotape. When he continues to be harassed after watching the tapes, something snaps in him and he becomes violent.

This movie is terrible. But upon reflection today, the premise is actually fascinating. Superman has the best kind of Superman crisis, caused by the limits he places on himself. He has the power to remove all nuclear weapons from the world, but should he? This is the kind of thing Lex Luthor could sound very reasonable to be concerned about: what's Superman going to do next? Throw all bombers into the sun? Ground entire airforces? Ban armies? Why is it okay that Superman is *unilaterally *making this decision?

Of course at this point the movie turns into the bad kind of Superman movie, one where his problems can be solved by sufficient punching.

And then after all the stupid we get this:

I thought I could give you all the gift of the freedom from war, but I was wrong. It’s not mine to give. And there will be peace – there will be peace when the people of this world want it so badly that their governments will have no choice but to give it to them.

I suppose Israel and Hamas made me think of this.

CONCEIVED BY A LUNATIC, HATCHED WITHIN A HUMAN WOMB...

An impotent husband with a fanatical desire to father children, forces his wife to undergo a dangerous experiment. This results in the birth of a multitude of monstrous THINGS.

We all know and love martial artist stuntman turned actor Paul Logan and his filmography, but did you know there is an internet influencer turned actor turned boxer named Logan Paul who's been in some low rated movies, souring our main man Paul's good names? Well here is your chance to throw your hat in the ring and vote for your Logan of choice in 5 rounds of movie vs movie, Logan vs Paul, democratically elected bad movie b-movie bliss. I'll propose two movies each round, one movie from each Logan, and we all vote on which Paul movie we watch. Who will win, Paul Paul or Logan Logan?

This Bad Movie Marathon starts at 11 AM CST (4PM GMT) on Saturday October 7th. Point your browser at our Cytube channel badmovies.fun. You can also join our discord to be part of the voice chat (or just listen, you can type chat in the Cytube channel.)

The Pollard family is calmly discussing their impending death by atom bomb when Mrs. Pollard recounts a dream in which she sensually bathes herself in the "Tears of Neglected Children".

Terrible, bonkers and extremely entertaining..

DRIVEN TO EXTINCTION. BACK FOR REVENGE.

After being driven to extinction, great bloodthirsty dinosaurs come back to life with the assistance of a demented genetic scientist. She plans to replace the human race with a super-race of dinosaurs who will not pollute the planet.

That other dinosaur movie that was released in 1993, starring Laura Dern's mom.

A MASTERPIECE OF EROTIC HORROR!

Bob and Shirley go in search of a cemetery in order to inspire Bob in writing his next horror story. After they crash the car, they wander into the graveyard and encounter the dancing dead, a full moon spectacle overseen by the Ruler of the Dark. Before long the couple is spotted and taken prisoner. Tied to stakes and forced to watch the dancing, they await their fate.

A terrible movie based on a novel by Ed Wood.

SOME GIRLS WOULD KILL TO BE CHEERLEADERS.

A cheerleader named Alison is plagued by nightmares about the upcoming all-state finals and attends a summer training camp with her teammates. When a number of deaths start occurring at the camp, Alison's nightmares turn twisted and brutal, and she begins to believe that she may be responsible for the mayhem.

PAST AND PRESENT MEETS IN THIS LAND OF TURMOIL!

Narcotics agent Tom Wilde is given a second chance at life after being shot and killed. In a futuristic experiment, agent Wilde is returned to life as an Android Robot. He is sent on a very dangerous mission into the depths of the golden Triangle to rescue Sophie, a beautiful undercover agent who has been captured by the evil drug warlord Mr. Young and his inhuman creation the Vampire Beast.

Directed* by infamous Hong Kong director Godfrey Ho. Honestly, most of Ho's movies deserve to be featured on this sub, but Robo Vampire is really a special kind of bad.

*He grabbed an existing Thai movie, re-edited it, added extra scenes that he directed himself, and gave it a particularly cheesy English dub.

In the future, two slaves in a distant galaxy escape prison and crash-land on a strange planet. They meet Zed, whose hospitality attempts to hide the fact they are to be hunted for sport.

A fun B-movie directed by Ken Dixon and produced by Charles Band.

After her fiancé is killed and she is almost sexually assaulted, a woman becomes an avenger of the night, seeking to kill all the dangerous men who would harm women. Meanwhile, her fiancé's cop brother also seeks to bring down the biker gang associated with the murder.

A baffling movie for which the production started in the late '70s/early '80s. The project was eventually completed in the mid-'90s, but the movie wasn't released until 2005.

BEHOLD, THE PLEASURES OF THE FLESH

An anthology, based on the comics of the same name by Glenn Danzig, in which the erotic and horrific combine to create multiple ghoulish tales of bloodlust, murder, the occult and the forbidden.

It's kind of shocking seeing a couple of disabled people get beaten down, but it is worth it as it makes their journey feel real.

But the bad English dub, the one sound effect, and the fight scenes that happen every 5 minutes get laughably bad and boring.

I guess it lived up to the expectations with a name like "The Crippled Masters."

Ninjas are on a murder spree, and the helpless police call for help from a lieutenant who had once defeated them. Cüneyt Arkin dukes it out in this insane mishmash of incomprehensible filmmaking with ninjas, wizards, mummies, zombies and mad doctors.

Alright, this one is a little bit more obscure. Death Warrior is a Turkish actioner that will turn your brain into liquid and makes it drip out of your ears. Don't try to make any sense of it, just let it wash over you..