this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2026
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Autism
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Absolutely always, with every single activity, there's always that voice in the back of my head yelling. It's amongst the oldest companions in that skull of mine
"YOU CAN DO BETTER", "gid gud", "skill issue", "a fucking baby could do that", "it isn't that special" and pointing out every single detail i failed and could have done better.
Even objectively, if i fall short of some goal or basic activity, i wasn't good enough. It completely irrelevant how hard i tried, i just wasn't good enough.
It's probably one of the biggest reasons i hide away any attempts in new hobbies and struggle to paint minis, even though I've been doing that for a few+ years.
Basically I'm not even good or strong enough to win against the voice yelling me I'm not good enough, all i can do is just resist it and deny it it's victory.