this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2023
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A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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Hahahahah, I'm sorry son, what's your ticket number? SHeeewwwwwaaahhh yeahhhh I'm going to need a ticket number. You're welcome to open one by emailing helpdesk@thesmithfamily.net and we'll get with you just as soon as we can in the order received. Just know, our agreed SLA is between 4 and 8 business hours, depending on your grades this week.
“I understand sir, and I’m sorry to hear your WiFi is slow, I can absolutely help you with that. To get started, I’ll need your ticket number, 4-digit access PIN, and most recent math test.
Oh, I see here you earned a ‘C’, that only entitles you to 200Kbps down. If you are interested in our 1Mbps service we need proof of a ‘B’ - or if you would like to submit an ‘A’ we can offer our gold-tier 500Mbps service, and if you would like to take advantage of that offer during this marking period I can add in complementary 5ms ping SLA as well. Also your mother has told you three times to take the trash out, Anthony.”
Then why haven't I received a report ticket Dad?