this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2023
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Autism

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Warning: Hot take: the longer I’m a parent, the more I feel that we shouldn’t be able to have children (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 year ago by shiroininja@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
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Some background:

I am a 35 year old male with a 2 year old son. I was diagnosed this year after a lifetime of struggling and becoming a parent exacerbating my traits.

Today I had an appointment with my son’s speech therapist, because he’s still not talking more than a couple words. The appointment is unstructured play and interaction including mimicking him, waiting for his cues, etc. The problem is, I can’t pick up on communication cues or read what to do next. I can’t communicate with him like a normal parent and I feel like I’m holding him back.

The therapist had to guide me as much as she had to guide him. This was my first time meeting her, and it was all overwhelming and overstimulating. I was fighting back tears half the time and I couldn’t keep and make eye contact as well as my 2 year old. 😭

I feel like my kid is going to be stunted because of my issues. I’m newly divorced and I’m doing my best so my wife doesn’t take him from because “I care for him, but can’t care for him.”

I struggle without routines and children are chaos. I am excluded by other parents because I’m weird or different, and they keep their kids away from us when playing at the park. I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way.

Everything is always so overwhelming and I struggle to not have panic attacks. How am I supposed to help when he gets to school? I have trouble with numbers and can’t do math😭😭

I just feel like giving up. I don’t know what to do

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[–] Poggervania@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago

I see your point. Counterpoint: have you actually read the post? OP’s post reads less like “this is why we shouldn’t have kids” and more “holy fuck am I gonna be able to have this kid grow into a functioning adult?”. You can at least stand to be less rude.

OP, I’ll toss you my two cents as a slightly younger person whose been diagnosed their whole life: if you’re this worried about being a good parent for the kid, then I honestly think your kid is in the best possible hands. I think the biggest thing that helped a lot for me growing up was patience - I was lucky enough to have parents that loved me enough to have the patience of a saint. I also think I didn’t speak til I was around 3 or 4, but nowadays I am able to actually hold conversations with people, have a full-time job in IT after graduating college with a bachelor’s, and I am able to live on my own without assistance. While that’s one part a humblebrag, I also two parts pointing that out because your kid can also achieve the same things - if a mess of a kid like me can do it, I optimistically believe that anybody can do it.

Now, gonna be real here: it’s not going to be easy, doubly so because you’re also diagnosed yourself and a single parent. It’s not impossible, but you will go through a lot of trials and tribulations - and so will the kid, because they also have to put in the effort. But if you love that kid, give them the patience they need, and try your damnedest to help them out with anything they need growing up… I think that sounds like a good recipe for raising any kid, autistic or not.