this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2024
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Tailscale can meet each of your bullet points.
Don't bother with VPN just use Tailscale, and install the client on your other devices (they have clients for every OS).
This creates an encrypted virtual network between your devices. It can even enable access to hardware, like printers (or anything with an IP address) by enabling Subnet Routing.
To provide access to specific resources for other people, you can use the Funnel feature, which provides an entrance into your Tailscale Network for the specified resources, fully encrypted, from anywhere. No Tailscale client required.
And if you have friends who use Tailscale, using the Serve option, you can invite them to connect to your Tailscale network (again, for specified resources) from their Tailscale network.
I second this. Wireguard, openvpn, various docker containers offering these, I've been through with them.
The regular openvpn or wireguard tools are good if you only need a dumb von, but if you want some kind of special routing or overlay network, tailscale has just been so easy.
I selfhost it completely too, using a headscale control server.