this post was submitted on 21 Jan 2024
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Autism

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2
Poem 2. (lemmy.world)
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
4 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Slipping in and out

of a war zone

No peace, no ease within

I'm on alert

My enemies take many forms

They're everywhere

With bullets from their tongues

I'm on the lookout

A barren landscape with no warmth

My sight has become quite deformed

But it will certainly be clear

If I live everyday in fear

I just want to see the grass grow.

I just want to see the grass grow.

I just want to see the fucking grass grow

Can you see me out here? Are you hostile?

In this scorched earth were I'm from, no one is usually in slight

Tell me please can you show me the way

Its long since time to evacuate (I would like to see some trees)

I am desperate could get shot any day

I could get shot any fucking day (I would to see the seas)

I am scared

I am trapped here in the this war zone

With constant threats but no life

No trees, no grass (nothing but bleakness as far as the eye)

Just relax your mind, of your demons

Just relax your mind, of your demons

Just relax your mind, of your demons

(I just want to see the grass grow)

Just relax your mind, of your demons

(I just want to see the grass grow)

Just relax your mind, of your demons

Just relax your mind, of your demons.

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[โ€“] STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Hmmmmm. More down votes than upvotes ๐Ÿ˜ฌ. Does anyone have any feedback. I'd love to hear some.

[โ€“] gaifux@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I like it. Wondering if "... In slight" was a typo or just a play on words. Also I think it would be prettier without curse words but depends what you're ultimately going for. This feels to me more like song lyrics than straight prose with that style of repetition

[โ€“] STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

That's kinda what I'm going for. Song lyrics. And for the curse words I put them because that's what people say when they are desperate. Like adding in "fucking" I think ads to this because it conveys the sense of anger and adds intensity rather than just straight up repeating it three times.