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My daughter is currently 4, the steam deck is far too advanced for her to use reliably, and far too easy to damage. As it stands her current tablet is in a thick foam case, that makes it almost indestructible to normal damage. It's also old enough that I wouldn't be too upset if she decided to try and colour in on it, using Sharpies or snapped it in 2.
I'm also limiting to android because that's what I'm most familiar with, and so is she. I've no interest in learning the apple ecosystem, with it's lock in effect.
She is currently learning to read, so I need to stay ahead of her regarding cyber security and information access. Unfortunately the current tablet is so restricted on memory that I can't install any parental control apps. I had to strip the cache from most of the less used apps, just to free up enough space to install a battery health monitoring app (accubattery).
My hope is the next tablet will do until she's old enough to have a phone herself. At the same time, I'd rather not throw huge amounts of money at it. It's still a tablet for a preteen, and so could get broken very easily.
my bad. I assumed she was older than that. A used pixel tablet is what I'd recommend. It'll get security updates from Google until June 2028 and will probably continue to get updates from custom roms after that. But it won't meet many of your other preferences.
Samsung now support their newer devices for 7 years too. But as I said earlier their privacy policy for children is ridiculous.