this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2024
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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Sure, there are self-hating people of all sorts of marginalized groups, but queer people are the only ones who get regularly talked about as if the people who oppress them are also queer.

You don't hear about Muslims being oppressed by secret Muslims.

I cannot provide evidence for this, obviously, but it would seem to me that most bigots are bigots because they're bigoted, not because they're secretly the thing they're bigoted against.

[–] alsimoneau@lemmy.ca 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Religion isn't something intrinsic about a person. If you hate the fact that you're a Muslim, you can opt out.

You cannot opt out being queer.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 0 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Okay then, you don't hear about white bigots being secretly light-skinned black people. Pick whatever group you want. Queer people are the only one I can think of where it's regularly claimed that the people bigoted against them are themselves the people they are bigoted against.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, nobody says that people opposed to disability rights are secretly suffering from an invisible disability.

[–] exanime@lemmy.today -5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Again people don't choose disabilities

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

We choose them as much as we choose to be gay. And when they’re invisible we can hide them similarly well in my experience

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 0 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Nah it's a tale as old as time, we used to call it "the one who smelt it dealt it" but the principle is the same. The most fervent and vocal are often just trying to cover their own asses.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Can you name another example where bigotry against a traditionally marginalized minority is virtually always claimed to be coming from that minority?

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I don't care to sit here all day thinking about it and I'm not sure I agree with that characterization anyway, it seems like you're just looking for a fight honestly.

Do you understand what I'm saying though, are you familiar with the phrase? Another is "when you point the finger at someone you have three pointed back at you." It's a fairly common bit of folk wisdom.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I understand what you're saying, I just don't agree with your analogy where you equate suggesting all homophobes are secretly gay with accusing someone of farting.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 0 points 4 months ago (1 children)

How about "when you point the finger at someone you have three pointed back at you" is that better?

If you're in a room full of people, and you "lose" something, the person that helps look for it the most, the one who won't give up and is very curious about where your item "went" is the thief.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

And yet you can't think of one other marginalized group of people where every time a finger is pointed at them, people claim the person doing the pointing is part of that group.

Curious that you don't find that problematic despite having no other examples.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 0 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Self-hate is a funny thing.

I wonder if that's a "law" yet ala Goodwin, Winslow, Murphy, etc. "The hate a person has for a group is proportionate to the amount of "denied/repressed belonging" that same person has to said group."

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

See, this sounds like you're saying queer people are the cause of homophobia, which is exactly what my point was.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

That's not my intention and I'm sorry you took it that way.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I believe that was not your intention, but that is what makes it so problematic. When you suggest that most or all homophobes are queer, you're suggesting that homophobia is an internal problem, not an external one, even if you don't realize that's what you're doing. Because the inference to be made there is that if you really hate queer people, you can't be cishet.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

you’re suggesting that homophobia is an internal problem,

I believe homophobia (and basically all other hate) is mostly an internal (mental) problem, you don't?

the inference to be made there is that if you really hate queer people, you can't be cishet.

Ah I get it now, I guess I disagree with that inference but I see how it follows. More honestly I would say that most people aren't 100% straight/cishet and sexual fluidity is extremely common (though we're only becoming aware of it now) so the inference would be correct and most people wouldn't be homophobic.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Internal as in only involving queer people.

The point is it gives any cishet bigot an excuse to be homophobic because they aren't queer so it's okay. It's not bigotry.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

The point is it gives any cishet bigot an excuse to be homophobic because they aren’t queer

If we're following it logically, they hate themselves at least in part because they're queer; it's self-hatred but they can be a self-hating bigot, they're not mutually exclusive.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internalized_oppression

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Again, this suggests that you cannot be cishet and bigoted against queer people. That the only people bigoted against queer people are themselves queer. Therefore anything someone who is cishet says about queer people no matter how offensive cannot be homophobic by virtue of having been said by a cishet person.

That's just basic extrapolation from such reasoning.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

anything someone who is cishet says about queer people no matter how offensive cannot be homophobic by virtue of having been said by a cishet person

No, because the moment they say something homophobic they're queer thus not cishet, though they can still be bigots, it's a Catch-22, that's the point, to call the bigot the thing they hate.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Except that the person saying the homophobic thing knows they aren't queer. Which means what they said can't possibly be homophobic.

Let me put it this way- there is zero evidence that Charlie Kirk is anything but cishet. Now... we can draw attention to the issue of bigotry by just pointing out that he's a bigot or we can put the blame of bigotry on queer people themselves in some silly attempt at a gotcha.

I would say that the former is both less childish and less harmful to queer people.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Except that the person saying the homophobic thing knows they aren’t queer.

Do they though do their peers? Does anyone? Again sexual fluidity is extremely common throughout our lives.

Let me put it this way- there is zero evidence that Charlie Kirk is anything but cishet.

I honestly can't imagine him being with a woman so I disagree.

Now… we can draw attention to the issue of bigotry by just pointing out that he’s a bigot

Yes.

or we can put the blame of bigotry on queer people themselves in some silly attempt at a gotcha.

I would say we put it on the bigot that said it, Charlie Kirk and not on any broad groups at all.

I would say that the former is both less childish

It's fun to be childish sometimes.

and less harmful to queer people.

I'm not sure it harms queer people at all Squid.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

See, again, you're saying that the only people who are homophobic are queer and it's no different from saying the only people who are ableist are disabled or the only people who are antisemitic are Jewish. I wish you could understand that.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I can understand how it could be interpreted that way but that's not what I mean at all.

Out of curiosity, what percentage of homophobia do you think is caused by latent homosexuality?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It doesn't matter if it's not what you mean unless you express what you mean explicitly.

And people don't say that explicitly. They just say that every time someone says something homophobic in the news, they're closeted. Every time.

And how the hell am I supposed to know what percentage? More than zero and less than 100?

I'm guessing closer to zero than 100 for the same reason there are antisemitic Jews out there but the vast majority of antisemites aren't Jewish. Can you point to a time that you've suggested that an antisemite is actually a Jew? And if not, why not if it's so common for homophobes to be queer?

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

And how the hell am I supposed to know what percentage? More than zero and less than 100?

Seems pretty relevant to the discussion, 10% is way different than 90%.

I’m guessing closer to zero than 100

But you're just guessing.

for the same reason there are antisemitic Jews out there but the vast majority of antisemites aren’t Jewish.

What reason is that?

Can you point to a time that you’ve suggested that an antisemite is actually a Jew? And if not, why not if it’s so common for homophobes to be queer?

I'm sure I never said that, I usually call antisemites Nazis/bigot/fuckhead or something similar.

And if not, why not if it’s so common for homophobes to be queer?

We've already been over this. I suspect we're not going to come to an agreement on this,, have a nice night Squid.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago

We haven't already been over this. All you've said is sexuality is a spectrum.

Disability is a spectrum. Everyone has their own little disabilities. So if you use an ableist word like the R-word, you're disabled. Based on your own reasoning. And you still don't see it.

[–] exanime@lemmy.today -1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Sure, there are self-hating people of all sorts of marginalized groups, but queer people are the only ones who get regularly talked about as if the people who oppress them are also queer.

Not true, pedophiles often fall in this category and there is even more evidence of this to justify correlation

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Sorry, you're saying that people who hate pedophiles are themselves pedophiles?

[–] exanime@lemmy.today -2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Not at all... and looking at the rest of your comments I don't really know what you are fishing for but I don't want to play your game

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

I'm not "fishing for" anything. Please don't make ridiculous accusations about me. If that isn't what you meant, what did you mean?