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It's weird no one has mentioned, but never wear a condom.
I think you have this wrong. You can prevent those awkward situations, fumbling around in the dark bedroom, digging through your pants for the condom that you always keep, then fishing around on the floor under the bed because it fell out of your pocket and tumbled under the bed if you just wear one all the time because you just never know.
I think of it like the emergency brake in my car. In an actual emergency, you're not going to have enough time to yank it (the brake, you pervert! We've moved on!), so just always drive with the emergency brake engaged. It's the safest way.
As long as we're sharing time saving tips and talking cars, it saves a lot of time to just leave your left turn signal on. I mean, how often do you turn left or change lanes? You'll save a LOT of time and all the other drivers will thank you with honks. I sure get a lot of honks driving under the minimum highway speed in the left lane with my left turn signal on and emergency brake engaged while wearing a condom for safety! They all wave at me with one finger, which must be a more efficient way of saluting because it uses so many less fingers!