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Now you're just justifying the actions of abusers. Your speculated scenarios are as likely to be accurate as they are to be completely off the mark. Just like your assumption that the people cutting extremists out of their lives never put any effort into changing their beliefs.
The same exact words apply to your own argument. You might as well be saying, "Abusive parents deserve to be in their grandchildrens' lives because it's harmful to them to not be allowed to see their grandkids."
Your problem is that you believe their actions aren't supposed to be justified. But that's the wrong approach. "Every action has consequences" is just bullshit on its own. The web of reaction is as old as the universe and us picking which action deserve a certain reaction is nothing more than personal whim.
We're flawed beings, all of us. I can't be right for every situation, but neither can you. And the difference between us is that I want to try and treat each individual as an individual. You may see this as excusing an abuser, I see it as fighting against abuse.
I won't protect everyone and i can't protect everyone, but just like any other kind of death row decision, it has to be earned. Each degree of punishment has to be fair. The chance for redemption has to be given. Punishment should be for the purpose of rehabilitation. And if we can't do it at an individual level, how can we expect it to be done for a better society.
Being just is hard work. And if you can't do it, why expect it of others?