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Quite frankly, I don't know how I would. Granted, I haven't even started yet due to my current living situation, but I kinda doubt it's something I'll ever be able to fully purge; if for any reason because I doubt I'll ever have the money to fully transition. Even then, however, I've lived too much of my life as male. I think it'd be impossible to erase or dissociate from +30yrs of me. Hell, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop seeing myself as a man.
sigh
I totally get this. As a 40-yr old with extremely masculine features, there's no way I could ever successfully transition. Maybe if transitioning was a thing back when I was like 12-14 years old, I might've had a chance. But I've been male for so long, and even more masculine in appearance than most men I know, so I think it's only something I can fantasize about at this point.
Im here, on the other side ladies.
I am a woman well into my 40s. I used to insist people call me by a man's name as a small child and growing up for a bit. I was raised in a very churchy midwest town, only child. The Thought of transitioning, then, in that area, was well kept out by church and lack of internet for us younguns. I barely knew what gay was, mostly from all the folk who called me butch and tomboy, got me curious to find out. Learned about cross-dressing but didn't realize there could be more than my jeans n tees already. Cried so hard the day I woke up with boobs as a teen, late bloomer and thought I'd be spared. And yeah, if I could have been a dude, I'd be a hella gay one. Was very confusing growing up with all nuclear family ideals and not fitting any of them, including their idea of the variety of the gender and sexuality spectrum that "wasn't allowed".
I also wonder if we had the internet media tech, medical knowledge and availability earlier, or was born later, who I might be.