News
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[Scene: The Oval Office. JD Vance, the Vice President of the United States, is seated at his desk. Pete Davidson, a reporter, enters the room with a notebook and recorder.]
Pete Davidson: So, Mr. Vice President, I've been looking into your role here in the White House. Can you tell me what you do?
JD Vance: [smirking] Well, let me tell you. I deal with the goddamn politicians so the lawyers don't have to! I have people skills... for people who are trying to get things done!
Pete Davidson: But... but isn't your job more about policy and-
JD Vance: [interrupting] Policy, schmolicy! The people want me to deal with the people, not just talk about them. And let's be real, I'm good at dealing with people. I've got charisma, I've got charm, and I've got a Twitter account that can turn anything into a meme!
Pete Davidson: [skeptical] Uh-huh... And what exactly do you mean by "dealing with the people"?
JD Vance: [leaning forward] I mean, I'm like a social media influencer for the Trump administration. I get to say whatever I want and watch it blow up on Twitter. It's like having my own reality TV show! The engineers are just there to document everything so everyone knows I'm not a total disaster.
Pete Davidson: [taken aback] Uh... okay, got it...
JD Vance: [grinning] And can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people who can't see the genius of my role?!