this post was submitted on 10 Mar 2025
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Met cool people at a queer event last Saturday. Tried to keep in touch but I had a panic attack when I went to message one of them and it put me off trying again for several days. Couldn't sleep for a few days so that made it worse. Finally managed to text the one I really wanted to talk to but I guess I took too long because they never replied. I don't feel like I can ever be around people.
I guess I'm still recovering from leaving my old friend group. Not bad people, but neurodivergent in a way I'm too socially incompetent for. Yesterday I flubbed my words and accidentally expressed the wrong sentiment, and I immediately felt the panic wash over me, because last time I did that, I caused a friend to have a nervous breakdown and start like... rewriting his childhood memories to match what I accidentally said, since it contradicted his lived experience.
Friendship is so high stakes, I always feel like if I say the wrong thing I'm going to ruin someone's life. I hate being lonely but I don't know how people can stand it.
I think maybe you've figured this out already, but that really is more about the other person than it is about you. I guess we really can't say without knowing all the details, but I can't imagine anything you would have said that would justify that response. You need friends that go to therapy. lol
That's wild that someone had such a strong reaction to something you said. But you should really try not to put that on yourself. If you spend time with people who are self assured, they are not going to have that kind of reaction. Yes, it's nice to do our best to try to make the people around us feel at ease, but genuinely trying is the best you can do. If your best isn't good enough for someone, that's when you move on and hopefully find people who are a better fit. I know that's easier said than done since you're dealing with some past trauma around friendships, but I hope you're able to find your people.