Saw a comic recently about this topic and got me thinking. I know what "the talk" is about since it appears in so many media but I don't ever recall having such an experience personally. Did you? What was it like?
I was a late 80s kid, just for context. As far as my experience goes, my parents were very open about sex as a natural process for reproduction. They answered openly any questions I had whenever I had them, keeping to the bare minimum necessary but never avoiding the topic- also never using metaphors as a substitute for plain facts ie. "the birds and the bees".
So at about age 5 or so I was already aware about how reproduction worked on animals, us humans included. As I kept growing up of course I kept connecting the dots on any social aspects of sex and relationships (ie that is supposed to be pleasant, that people do it even if they're not planning to have babies, etc) but I never had a moment of shocking realization regarding sex. I often found it stupid how some of my classmates would giggle or lower their voice when talking about anything sexual like, well, like it's a taboo. And I was often disappointed at how much of what my classmates knew wasn't exactly true, which at the time I chalked to their stupidity, although obviously it wasn't their fault. They were misinformed.
By the time kids got to sex ed in highschool they already had their facts pretty much right though, fortunately.
So I'm curious about your experiences about this while growing up. Was yours similar to mine or did you sit through some awkward conversations? How did you feel about it all?
My mom peaked in my room and left me with the American Girl book about hygiene and female anatomy. I don't think it said anything about sex. Just had to navigate that part of life armed with (mis)information from whispered conversations with friends over sleepovers.
I think back on how many experiences I had growing up that could have gone wrong. This was all happening just as AIM chatrooms and chat roullette were popular. And there were so many creeps that my friends and I talked to because we were curious. No normal adult was giving us the information, but plenty of adults online were happy to talk and ask for favors in return. Shivers down my fucking spine.
I am so thankful that I was too nervous to do anything and usually ended conversations quickly. But the risk of genuine harm was right there, and our parents had no idea. We laughed whenever we saw a penis appear on chat roullete and clicked away, but we were not mature enough to know how fucked up it was. It was our parents' job to guard us from that. Not by putting blinders on us. But by affording us the respect of an important conversation.
I am so passionate about people having this discussion with their kids. Kids are curious. The fact that the subject is taboo makes it even more exciting for kids. It is such a crucial moment in the transition to adulthood. Ignoring the conversation endangers them by making the subject seem exotic and inticing.
Have the conversation with your kids or someone else will. And you will have no control over how and when that happens.
Nice write up. Yes, I couldn't agree more. I guess it's the potential for abuse where things get really complicated, not so much the biological and mechanical side of sex- which makes even more baffling to see being avoided as a topic. Getting a child to understand the many ways they are vulnerable is certainly difficult no matter the topic.
Glad to know nothing happened to you, scary to see how easily someone could get groomed online. I've had a close call with a pedophile when I was a kid, in spite of being well aware of sex in many ways at that age, but at the time I didn't recognize his attempt at manipulation for what it was- precisely because there was no mention of anything sexual at all. I got really lucky that nothing happened to me either, and walked out if it absolutely oblivious to everything, but unlike you I do owe some of that to good parenting though. A few years later when I remembered the incident and realized what had been going on it hit me like a truck. An "oh shit" moment.
I didn't reflect on all of this until my 20's. I coach girls from around 8-18 years old, and the standards for interacting with kids nowadays means you have to take a lot of abuse training courses. That coupled with watching the girls I coach try to navigate social media and coming of age made me realise how abnormal my own upbringing was.
Its crazy how protective I feel about these kids that aren't even my own. But looking back on the dangers lurking in the corners, I know how important it is to keep kids in the loop. Not to scare them, or try to keep them isolated. But safety starts with communicating freely with the safe adults in your life. I think things are trending towards more quality information about sex being readily available. Most (non religious) parents seem to realize they need to raise confident kids that they have an open dialogue about important things with.