this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2025
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Showerthoughts
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A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. The most popular seem to be lighthearted clever little truths, hidden in daily life.
Here are some examples to inspire your own showerthoughts:
- Both “200” and “160” are 2 minutes in microwave math
- When you’re a kid, you don’t realize you’re also watching your mom and dad grow up.
- More dreams have been destroyed by alarm clocks than anything else
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- A good place for politics is c/politicaldiscussion
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Reducing other people to mere tools is a symptom of psychopathy rather than simply low empathy. Yes, psychopaths are within the set of people with low empathy, however, shouldn't be confused with the set itself. It's also specifically a lack of affective (warm) empathy that's more of the problem than a lack of empathy in general, as some psychopaths do have cognitive (cold) empathy, and so do understand others (albeit to a limited extent), however, just use it to be more exploitive rather than less. This is by contrast with autistic people who often struggle with cognitive (cold) empathy, however, not with affective (warm) empathy, i.e. they don't know how they've hurt people but they know they've hurt people and try to avoid doing so.
Been a while since psych and I'm sure some terms I use are outdated now but the way it was explained to me was that sociopaths feel some guilt and remorse but do it anyways whereas psychopaths don't feel any remorse at all. I think symptoms of both have been melded into ASPD in general now but the logic applies. If someone is capable of lying and manipulating without remorse (my original statement) then it would be a very low chance that they see others as equals
There is no such thing as a sociopath clinically speaking. There are primary and secondary psychopaths though, the former lacking empathy entirely and the latter having access to some empathy. They are both alloplastic (irresponsible for their actions and their consequences) and thus neither can feel guilt as guilt is associated with having responsibility. Psychopaths tend to have a generalised anxiety at their core, which they compensate for with defiance (to convince themselves and others of their power as a means to deal with the anxiety). This creates a backlash against them, which because they're irresponsible, creates frustration, something they can't manage well, and so direct the frustration outwards in the form of aggression.
Anxiety and shame are the emotions associated with negative (or potential) consequences while being powerless. Psychopaths are more anxious because they have an internal locus of control, whereas narcissists are more shameful because they don't. In both cases, they seek control, albeit for different reasons.
EDIT: Psychopaths see other people as pets at best, and tools at worst. As you say, they do not perceive you as equals.
That's more useful than you know for someone I'm currently dealing with. I consider myself patient but everyone has their limits, how do you help someone who is defiant, seek control, and clearly anxious without letting them tear your mood apart?
I know I'm supposed to understand they are acting out of confused defense but it's truly difficult to be the caregiver to someone who is essentially throwing an illogical temper tantrum nearly 24/7?
In my experience, you try to have as little to do with them as possible. Do you have some legal obligation to be their caregiver?
I think most people will recommend setting boundaries and sticking to them, however, they are compelled to cross any lines you set.
You kind of end up setting sacrificial boundaries that they can cross, or boundaries with a buffer zone so they can cross it a little bit without going too far.
Like, if the speed limit is 50 km/h, they're going to go 55 km/h, and that's still a safe speed so you're happy and they're happy. If they go 100 km/h, well, that's genuinely unsafe and you're forced to intervene.
Moral obligation. Yes I am in that constant cycle of setting boundaries, having them crossed, and forgiving them because they have noone else to care for them. I don't see giving up as an option on the matter but I know I'm sacrificing my mental health for them.
I'm dealing with a situation at the moment where an individual was a caregiver for decades, only for the cared person to turn around and leave the caregiver to die when the caregiver became too old to provide the care the cared person felt entitled to have.
They will never show you any gratitude, and it will be genuinely dangerous when you decide to stop or simply can no longer continue providing care.
Once you exist in the psychopath's world, you only have one of two choices: be useful or be destroyed. People without any utility to them don't exist to them, however, once you exist, you can't go back to not existing.
Take care, and acknowledge the opportunity cost of your time and energy is being deprived from other people who genuinely need and can appreciate it.
That's the answer I expected but I hoped for some kind of miracle tactic. I know you're right and it's something I need to consider the pros and cons of. I appreciate your advice
Is there any reason why you downvoted my other comments?
You can learn a lot of valuable skills by being a caregiver to someone like this, although they will try to pull you into their cynical worldview. This is a simplistic, and distorted view of the world that aligns with how psychopaths and narcissists experience the world, however, isn't useful nor realistic.
They both have a splitting mechanism where people are split into an all good and an all bad object, and struggle to integrate these two objects into an integrated object that accurately represents people. The psychopath can't create complete objects, and so splits people into good in the form of utility, and bad in the form of impediment to their goals.
Cynicism is assuming the true object is the bad object because they feel it's safer to assume the worst in someone than assume the best. Game theory suggests this makes sense in extremely hostile environments, however, is detrimental in most other situations. It has a tendency to create the hostile environments it's supposedly adapted to cope with.
I downvoted your comments? I upvoted your comments. I don't disagree with anything you've said