958
But no, let's cut them down to build one more lane, right?
this post was submitted on 05 Jul 2025
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Plant and groom the new ones early.
The trick with plants is generally to act like the creepiest villian asshole you can. If you dont emotionally abuse your plants, they're not gonna be any good.
You want me to be creepy with my plants? Just how creepy are we talking here?
Abuse them. Cut them to be more to your liking, starve them of water to get their roots where you want, groom them like you're Jeffrey Epstein, emotionally abuse them, occasionally waterboard them, torture them with loud music at all times...
And they will thrive. Its why agricultural societies jumped into depravity faster than their hunter gatherer peers; plants just need abuse.
I struggled with some potted houseplants last year. Come winter, I assumed they’d all died so I just gave up.
But this spring, one of the plants bounced back stronger than ever. All it took was some tender, loving neglect. It’s still thriving on my porch right now.
Remember to emotionally abuse them too!