this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2025
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Reading OPs post and the responses.. What even is sex? Are we just rubbing genitals and hoping both parties get off without paying attention to each other?
Even casual sex requires synchrony, alignment, flow, attentiveness etc. That's part of what makes it enjoyable. Climaxing is the outcome of the connection made, however temporary, by that synchrony and alignment.
Treating sex like a race to the climax will only make you worse at it over time. Depriving it of initimacy and spirituality will make it so that you need to chase more and more physical stimulation to make it pleasurable.
The process is as important as the outcome (moreso even). Focus on that process if you want to make the experience better for you and your partner.
Toys aren't "a race to the climax" they're literally just another way you can have sex with someone. It's crazy to me watching all these straight people freak out about toys because I find it to be deeply intimate. Even in the case of vibrators. It doesn't feel like just the toy, it feels like the other person is granting you that pleasure. It's a much deeper and still emotionally enriching experience to use toys with other people vs. using them alone to masturbate.
If I'm using a toy on someone else, I feel good about making them feel good. I'm not offended that they find it pleasurable because that's fucking ridiculous.
And using a toy also doesn't necessitate that you're using it solely to get to the climax faster, that's also kind of a bizarre claim to make. There's a reason why they have settings. Overall, it's ridiculous to see toys as anything other than a tool you can use to enhance sex and feel (and help your partner feel) sensations you couldn't possibly be able to replicate without them. I basically agree that sex is much more about the process than the goal, it's just weird to say that toys go against that rather than help enhance it, which has been my experience with them.
You can be intimate with a vibrator.
An urban legend. A myth.