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Is 16 and 19 really that bad? (lemmings.world)

submitted 2 days ago by blackwitch@lemmings.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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So, my good friend (18m) had a falling out with his ex (19m) because the ex bullied him and also because he is apparently dating a 16f, so my friend thinks he is a pedophile for obvious reasons (adult + minor).

I can see why this would be considered bad but also, when I turn 16, my girlfriend will be 19 too, as I am currently a young sophomore who is about 3 years younger than her girlfriend, a senior.

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[–] ultranaut@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Definitely a warning sign. It really depends on the specifics because people mature at different rates, but there's a much higher chance of it being problematic. There's the half your age plus 7 rule, but it doesn't really work if you are under 22.

[–] Zak@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

There’s the half your age plus 7 rule, but it doesn’t really work if you are under 22.

Doesn't it?

14/2+7 = 14. It's questionable for anybody under 14 to be in a romantic or sexual relationship even if the other person is the exact same age.
16/2+7 = 15. People tend to mature rapidly in this age range, so dating someone much younger is sketchy.
18/2+7 = 16.
20/2+7 = 17.

These line up with my intuition for the age gap being acceptable, not something that should raise eyebrows. A little outside that becomes a warning sign. A lot outside that is almost certainly abusive.

[–] ultranaut@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

21 and 17 can be a big gap, even 20 and 17 can be. It's not as clear cut as 22, which can also be sketchy but is at least recognized as fully legal everywhere. I think there's too much diversity in maturity and life experience at those young ages, the potential for issues increases so those kinds of relationships are inherently concerning in ways that relationships involving legal adults are not. I'm not saying they are inherently problematic, but if you know people with that kind of age gap you should be looking out for the underage person to ensure they aren't being taken advantage of.

[–] faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 day ago

Yeah, my first boyfriend had been jumped up two grades, so I was 16 and he was 14. It never went beyond awkward kissing in the alley after class tho.