this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2025
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it's true in experience. I'm a single guy. I date around. Most women I meet think gardening makes me queer. It is not considered a desirable hobby for a man. And many men who don't garden, also think it's queer/feminine.
People who do garden, don't see it that way, of course. But every garden group I've ever met up with was 70% women, and most of the men were not 'manly'. I myself am not a manly guy.
I grew up assuming every adult should be self-sufficient, so I learnt all of cooking, cleaning, gardening, basic repairs, home maintenance, sewing, etc. I think the most likely people to have a problem with that never learnt it themselves, so they feel inadequate.
It became an issue in my first serious relationship because she didn't cook or clean much. She definitely never tried to nurture so much as a plant. I had no problem with that because I could, but she started to feel less feminine, and eventually turned it around on me. The guys she left me for were completely useless, but they didn't highlight her insecurities so she was happy. At least for a short while.
People who are confident in their identity and abilities don't do this, and that's who you want to find anyway, regardless of gender.
Traditionally it's been similar to cooking:
Farmer/chef? That's a man's work.
Gardener/home cook? That's a woman's work.
Fortunately we've got shows like the Great British Bake Off and a myriad of popular YouTube gardening and home cooking channels featuring men to help shake this up, but sadly it's still something that's seen as gendered by way too many folks. Still, if spicy peppers and cacti (and on the cooking side dishes like pizza) help get insecure men in the door, that's great. But I'm with TTF: it may not be a strong stereotype, but I've also observed it.
What is farming if not gardening at scale?
Like most unnecessarily-gendered things, this thinking falls apart under the slightest hint of logical scrutiny...
That's sad