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Well he needs people to be looking literally anywhere other than at him right?
•"What's with the obsession over the nothing burger Epstein files? I'm looking into corruption thanks to DOGE!"
•"What's with the obsession over DOGE? I'm bullying the president of Ukraine with V.P. Permaliner because we hate Ukraine and love Putin, right America?
•What's with the obsession over Ukraine? I'm cracking down on immigration with quotas!"
•"What's with the obsession over quotas? There are no quotas! Also don't worry about those JP Morgan bank records of transaction between Epstein and Peter Thiel. Have some compassion, my dear friend Charlie Kirk was just publicly assassinated within hours of the Senate finance committee bringing up those records. It's totally not weird."
"To honor him as a martyr for free speech, I will be cracking down on free speech. I officially declare anyone on the left who refuses to pretend he was the second coming of Jesus, an official terrorist. Also heads up because I need to pretend I don't know Netenyahu is about to kill a bunch of scientists in Iran with Palantir drones, and then I'll also bomb Iran for some reason, and help defend murder of civilians in Gaza who are seeking food at the aid stations I set up for them with Netenyahu's permission."
•"What's with the obsession over free speech, Israel, and the people who definitely aren't starving in Gaza? I'm sending the national guard to invade U.S. cities and show I'm tough on crime!"
•"What's with the obsession over the national guard and CIA trained child soldiers? I'm invading Greenland!"
•"What's with the obsession over Greenland? I'm sanctioning the murder of a U.S. citizen for free speech! And yes. I will be doubling down on it being their fault for thinking they have first amendment rights! Didn't you see the literal memo? It's called NSPM-7. That soccer mom was a terrorist!"
•"What's with the obsession over government sanctioned murder of U.S. citizens for first amendment rights? I'm threatening Iran because of how many civilians the Iranian government has murdered over free speech. Could be a lot worse over here, just saying... I'm invading Venezuela. Give me your peace prize!"
•"What's with the obsession over "hypocrisy?" I deserved that peace prize! Anyway, I'm also sanctioning the murder of another U.S. citizen! And yes. I will be doubling down on it being their fault for thinking they have second amendment rights! You got a problem with it? Because we can just go down the line in order one by one. Their rights don't count!"
•"What's with the obsession over government sanctioned murder of U.S. citizens for second amendment rights? I'm looking into a 'lady congressman's' wealth bc she's a Muslim from Minnesota and she said some very hurtful things about me."