This is a story everyone has at a certain age. And i guess I'm just hitting the stage where my friends are starting to have kids, especially the women my age.
I'm someone who has definetely fallen in love once, and a maybe on one or two other occasions. Got nothing against relationships or dating, I do date occasionally, but it just doesnt feel worth the effort put into it.
The ONE time I was madly in 'love' was a crush on a girl I had in school. When i was like 13, lasted till well idk. Maybe even still, I genuinely don't know how I feel. Wrote poems and stories about her, the only woman ive ever written for or about.
Never dated her, never told her how mad I was about her. Left the country when i was about 17. Talked maybe 3-4 times over the next 8-9 years. Although i still continued writing about her etc. Think ive posted poems and stories about her on Lemmy too. I can't get her out of my head for years.
Today i just saw a post saying she recently had a child and got married with pics. For a moment I thought this is going to wreck me emotionally lol. And yet I don't feel much. Its literally the only thought in my head and i need to talk about it to somebody soon before my head explodes (hence this post too lol).
Like I planned to give her a gift and ask her out before i was leaving the country but I never mustered the confidence. I have that locket to this day. And it means the world to me haha.
I'll always have love for her. Even if she probably barely remembers anything about me but my name.
I genuinely dont know what I'm feeling but there is smth. Its not good, its not bad. Its like repressed anxiety or panic. Its just weird. I dont have any ex who I care about enough to keep tabs on, so dont know what they're up to, but this one is smth.
Anyone here know the feeling I'm talking about? I'm sure some of y'all have had similar experiences atleast.
You are probably right when you say you feel something and it's hard to pinpoint. We all have different experiences in life and not always get a chance to fully integrate or become aware of what we did, what that means for ourselves, etc.
So, to add to the other points, you are probably confronted with a variety of topics that are difficult to grapple: the passage of time for everyone; what do we think about ourselves as a result of seizing or letting opportunities pass by; do we want a relationship, and of what kind, and with what kind of person, and was she really this person or not; what do we need to change or adjust in the light of the results of all this thinking, how anxiety-inducing all these topics are, how plausible it would be and how much control we have over any of this.... Heavy stuff. YMMV for each one of us when facing these issues.
You are very likely over her, but not over all the topics this touches. So yeah you do well by getting it out of your head and talking about it
Incredibly well put.